That Guy---A Chicago Fire Story
by mom2jlg
Summary: Continuation of Kelly's relationship with Alyssa. Picks up immediately after she awakens from her medically induced coma. Severide turns a complete 180...but it won't be easy. **SAME STORY...JUST REFORMATED INTO SHORTER, MORE MANAGEABLE CHAPTERS**
1. Chapter 1

**That Guy—A Chicago Fire Story**

**Picks up Kelly and Alyssa's relationship immediately after she wakes up from her medically induced coma. Kelly is there when she wakes up and now he turns a complete 180…but it won't be easy.**

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The doctor asked everyone to clear the room as she conducted her examination.

Alyssa looked at Kelly in a panic and squeezed his hand.

"It's okay…" he reassured her.

But she held onto his hand with a strength that surprised him.

Kelly looked over to the doctor…a silent question in his eyes.

And the doctor looked at her patient…her posture, the look in her eyes…the way her knuckles were turning white as she gripped Kelly's hand. She nodded her head. Kelly could stay.

"It's okay…I'm not going anywhere." He told her again.

The doctor looked into Alyssa's eyes to see how her pupils reacted to the light…she asked her to blink her eyes and track her pen…she asked her to wiggle her fingers and to squeeze her hand. She checked her reflexes.

Satisfied with what she saw she decided to try to take her off the vent.

She explained what she was going to do…to adjust it to a different setting and see how Alyssa did. The important thing was to relax…

Alyssa gave Kelly a long look…and he smiled encouragingly.

The doctor reset the machine and Kelly pulled a chair over to Alyssa's bedside.

She did okay that first day.

She was breathing on her own for two hours before she got tired. And all the while, she never let go of Kelly's hand.

Every day she remained off the vent a few hours longer…and every day she got a little stronger.

It was an emotional roller coaster though…for everyone.

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One night, Kelly sat in a corner booth at Shannahan's with Joe, Alyssa's brother. He'd gotten to know the guy a bit in the past week since he had finally swallowed his fear and gone to the hospital. He'd gotten to know the whole family…but Joe…and Nick were the ones he really felt a connection to.

Joe was struggling with the whole situation…that was pretty clear. He and Alyssa were so close…they were a little less than three years apart, and they'd always done everything together. But Alyssa had never confided in him about Bradley Paul and the fact that the sonofabitch was stalking her.

That night, when visiting hours ended, Kelly placed a gentle kiss on Alyssa's forehead and whispered that he had to work the next day, but he'd call her and text her as often as he could. Her eyes brightened…even though she couldn't talk to him through her wired jaw, just the sound of his voice was reassuring to her. And it gave her something to look forward to.

As they left the room he came up beside Joe.

"Hey…" he said. "You wanna go grab a beer or something?"

Joe was…a bit surprised at the invitation. But it sounded like just what the doctor ordered…it wouldn't do any good to sit at home and brood. He had to get out of his head for a while.

"Sure…" Joe replied.

So the two men sat across from each other…sipping their beers, contemplating their companionship.

Joe spoke first.

"Nice place…"

Kelly nodded.

"Yeah…Lyssa and I come here a lot. This is where we met, actually."

Kelly took another long swallow of his beer…

"She wiped the floor with me at pool." He added with a rueful grin.

That broke whatever tension there was in the air…

Joe laughed.

"I don't even feel sorry for you…"

Then he smiled at a memory…

"She was like…five…when she started to play. She was so tiny…she used to drag this little pink step stool around the table. Tony and Jimmy bought her a little cue for Christmas…it was only about this long…"

He held his hands about two…two and a half feet apart.

Kelly chuckled at the mental picture of a tiny version of Alyssa and the pure determination in her eyes as she tried to best her older brothers…

But Joe got serious again.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure. Shoot…"

"Did you know about this animal…Bradley Paul? Did you know what he was doing to Lyssa?"

Kelly took another swallow of beer.

This was the conversation he had been hoping to avoid. He was still wrestling with his own feelings about Bradley Paul…and regretting he hadn't "escorted" the sonofabitch outside when he had the chance.

He studied his companion. And he told him the truth.

"I knew there was an 'ex'. Actually Alyssa said you couldn't even call him that, 'cause she only went out with him a few times. I knew he scared her enough to move apartments…and change jobs. But I didn't know he was still harassing her. I didn't know about the restraining order."

"The detective told us that you and your colleagues were the ones who identified him…" Joe said with a look of confusion on his face.

"We identified the man who grabbed Lyssa's arm in a bar. This bar, in fact." Kelly told him. "We were over there…"

He nodded his head in the general direction of the tables by the dart boards.

"Lyssa humiliated our candidate in a fourteen game shutout…then me and the other guys went to get another round, and I heard Alyssa's voice telling someone to let go of her. I saw some guy had his hands on her…so I went and got in his face. If I'd known who he was then…I'm not sure even the three medics could have helped him."

He wasn't sure what more to say…so his just polished off his beer in one more swallow.

Suddenly, Joe filled the silence. He cleared his throat.

"There's some kind of pre-trial thing…day after tomorrow…I think he's trying to get out on bail or something. My brothers and I are going… you wanna…maybe go down there with us?"

Kelly straightened up…the animal was trying to get out on bail?

He nodded firmly.

"Absolutely…I'm in. Just tell me where and when."

Joe nodded.

Kelly was a good guy. And Joe was certain his feelings for Alyssa ran deep. He had seen that the first night at the hospital…while they were waiting for news.

A couple of his brothers thought it was weird that Kelly hadn't come to the hospital when Alyssa was in the coma…but Joe didn't. Some people couldn't deal…there were times Joe felt like running away himself. The silence in the room…except for the beeping of all those machines, and the vent huffing and puffing…sometimes he felt like he was about to jump out of his skin.

Besides, he'd more than made up for it since Alyssa had been awake. He was there every day now…every day he wasn't working. And anyone with a pair of eyes could see how much more relaxed Alyssa was when Kelly was around.

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Kelly sat in the courtroom with Joe and Nick and the rest of Alyssa's brothers. He had gone immediately after his shift ended to meet them at the 26th and California.

The tension hung in the air as they waited for Bradley Paul to be led in to the court.

The side door opened and a tall, skinny bean pole of a man was led in by two sheriff's deputies.

Kelly studied him through narrowed eyes. It was definitely the same man who'd manhandled Alyssa at Shannahan's almost three months ago. He was a little skinnier than he'd been then, his face a little paler. And he wore an arrogant smirk on his face.

Kelly couldn't help thinking how he'd like to wipe it right off…

There was a flurry of activity…the judge entered from his chambers and court was called to order.

There was some talk back and forth…Kelly wasn't really paying attention. He was still fixated on Paul. In his mind's eye he tried to imagine how everything had gone down in Alyssa's apartment that night.

He'd been there only once since then…once the CPD had released the crime scene he had quietly gone to get his stuff…the clothes that he kept accumulating there, his razor, and the other odds and ends that had found their way over in the few months he'd essentially been living with her.

The sight had just about made him sick. Broken glass from the mirror in the dining room, the picture frames Alyssa had on just about every surface in the house…furniture smashed or overturned…blood everywhere. Lyssa had apparently fought like a tiger…it just didn't do any good.

Suddenly something brought him back to earth…

"Your Honor…the fact that Mr. Paul is still incarcerated is causing great financial stress to his family. My client is the sole caretaker for his elderly mother…and having to hire outside help is a great hardship on the family."

Kelly sat up a little straighter. He didn't like where this was going…

"And furthermore, Your Honor, my client is innocent of the crimes he's accused of…which we will prove beyond a reasonable doubt at trial…"

"That's bullshit!"

Before he even knew what he was doing, Kelly was on his feet. It was a knee-jerk reaction.

"YOU LYING SONOFABITCH!"

Pandemonium broke out in the court. The judge pounded his gavel calling for order. Alyssa's brothers all jumped up and grabbed hold of Kelly who was ready to rip Paul's head off. It took all five of them to get him to calm down enough so Joe and Nick could walk him out of the room.

Out in the hallway he just paced back and forth…trying desperately to regain some control.

That lying SOB…how the hell could someone stand there with a straight face and say he was innocent? Alyssa had told him…right when she woke up…that it was Bradley Paul who assaulted her. And the cops had DNA evidence to prove it!

Kelly continued to pace and rake his fingers through his hair in sheer frustration.

Nick and Joe just watched him…not saying a word.

They both felt the same way.

Finally…Kelly drew a deep breath…and let it out slowly. Back in control again, he turned to his new friends.

"Sorry about that, guys…" he said. "I tend to just shoot from the hip sometimes…well, almost all of the time."

"It's okay…" Nick told him. "The sonofabitch is lucky I'm not carrying."

Kelly had to think for a second…oh, yeah…Nicky was a cop.

There wasn't much time for conversation. The court room doors opened and Mark, Tony and Jimmy Boungiovanni came out to join them.

"Is it over?" Joe asked.

Tony, the oldest of the brothers, nodded.

"Yeah. The judge denied his request for bail."

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

Thank God.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

It was a slow day at Station 51.

Kelly knocked on Chief Boden's door.

"Come in."

He stepped into the Chief's office.

"Severide…" Chief motioned for him to take a seat. "What can I do for you?"

He took a chair across from Boden.

"How's Alyssa doing?" Chief asked.

Severide nodded slowly…

"She's coming along. It's slow…"

"Well, we knew it wouldn't be easy." Boden said. "But she's strong."

He nodded again.

"Yeah…she's amazing. But she's gonna be in the hospital for a long time. That's kinda what I wanted to talk to you about…"

He paused for a moment.

"I was talking to a couple of her brothers yesterday. They're figuring, best case scenario, she's gonna be there another month at least. But she's got really crappy insurance…and her bill's already up to about half a million dollars."

Chief let out a sigh…it always came down to dollars and cents.

"What did have in mind?"

"Is there something we could do?" Severide asked. "Some kind of fund-raiser? I mean, I know it'd be like pissing in the ocean, but if there's some way we could help…"

Boden nodded.

"I'm sure we can come up with something. I'll make a few calls."

Severide nodded his thanks. He was sure the whole team would agree to whatever they decided to do. Everyone liked Alyssa…

As he made his way back to the common room he found himself thinking about the last time Alyssa had been by the firehouse.

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Not long after the incident at Shannahan's, Alyssa had come by with another home-cooked meal.

Everyone…especially Mills was ecstatic to watch Otis, Cruz and Hermann parade in with the 10 gallon stock pots…only this time they were filled with beef stew.

Mills lifted the lid and the mouth-watering aroma filled the room.

"Oh, my God…" he groaned. "This smells incredible…"

Even Mouch got up off the couch to come get a whiff.

Hermann set the paper shopping bags on the counter…filled with Irish soda bread.

Mills moved over to check those out.

"They're still warm!" he exclaimed. "Thank you…thank you, thank you!"

"And it's not even your birthday…" Kelly quipped as he sat two pans of brownies on the counter next to the bread.

"This is really nice of you." Said Casey. "You didn't have to go to all the trouble…"

A few of the guys shot him a look, as if to say 'speak for yourself'. They weren't about to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Alyssa smiled.

"It's no trouble at all. I couldn't sleep last night…and I always cook when I can't sleep."

"Nothing wrong with a little insomnia…" Mouch said in a gentle tone. "It's perfectly normal."

There were a few chuckles amongst the men.

Kelly slipped his arm around Alyssa's shoulders. He wasn't shy about showing her a little affection anymore…and she smiled up at him. He had missed her last night…he'd had a bunch of stuff to do after shift, then he'd met up with a few of his buddies from back at the academy and crashed back at his place.

"I should get going…" she said. She knew not to overstay her welcome.

"I'll walk you out." Kelly told her.

Once they were outside, he walked her to her car and opened the door for her. He glanced back at the firehouse, making sure her didn't have an audience. Some of the guys were worse than little kids…

The coast was clear, so he turned his attention back to Alyssa.

"That was a nice treat…"he said.

"You know I like to cook." She tried to make light of things. "And the guys always seem willing to eat…"

"You don't know the half of it." He told her with a rueful grin.

He leaned down and captured her lips for a soft, tender kiss. When they separated, he gently pushed her long hair back, then helped her into the car.

"I'll be home in the morning…"

"I'll see you then." She said.

He closed her door and stepped back. He watched her fasten her seatbelt and put the car in gear. When she reached the end of the block he stuffed his hands into his pockets and headed back inside.

Mills was already dishing up the stew and Gabby was slicing the bread when Severide came back to the common room.

"Isn't it a little early for dinner?" he asked.

"Food's still warm…"Mills replied with a shrug of his shoulders. "Wouldn't want it to get cold."

Kelly chuckled to himself. Every time he brought in something Alyssa had made the guys jumped on it like a pack of hounds. You'd think they'd never eaten before…

But then again, he'd had some of their cooking…back before Mills came to Station 51.

He fell into line and took a heaping bowl of beef stew and a couple big hunks of bread.

He'd barely lifted his fork when the questions started.

This time Cruz was the one to get the ball rolling.

"So, Lieutenant…when you gonna marry this girl?"

Severide looked up in surprise.

"What? Who said anything about gettin' married?"

Just because he had finally come out of the closet, so to speak, about his relationship…didn't mean they were rushing to the altar.

"I'm just sayin'…" Cruz said. "She cooks…"

"Those amaretto brownies alone are enough to warrant a proposal." Hermann put in.

"Yeah..If you don't marry her, Lieutenant, I will." Otis added his two cents.

Severide just laughed.

"Yeah, good luck with that Otis. She's way out of your league!"

Casey speared a chunk of meat.

"What'd you say she did for a living again, Kelly?"

"She's a massage therapist."

There was a giant, collective moan with a few wolf whistles thrown in.

Severide had to raise his voice to make himself heard over the din…

"Get your minds outta the gutter…she works in a physical therapy clinic!"

The guys quieted down and turned their attention back to the good food in front of them.

"She doesn't make you watch chick flicks…does she?" Cruz asked suddenly.

Everyone looked up…waiting for the answer.

"No." Severide said with a decisive shake of his head. "No way. The higher the body count the better…"

Again…collective moan.

"She doesn't listen to country or somethin'?" Hermann sneered the word 'country' like it was something nasty.

Again, Severide shook his head.

"No…classic rock all the way. Van Halen, Rush, Styx, Poison…Kiss."

"So let me get this straight…" Otis cut in. "This girl _cooks_…"

He counted on his fingers.

"And bakes!" Hermann interjected.

Otis acknowledged Hermann's comment.

"And bakes, thank you. She's a _massage therapist_…she's got good taste in movies…"

"She's into sports…" Mills added.

Otis continued…

"That's right…_sports fan_…good taste in music. And not to overstate the obvious, but she's freakin' _gorgeous_!"

There was a collective rumble of agreement.

Severide just sat there with an uneasy look on his face…waiting for the punch line.

"And the Lieutenant here…doesn't want to marry her!" Otis finished with a flourish.

"Hell, I'll marry her…and I've got a wife and four and a half kids!" Hermann said.

"We're not in Utah, Hermann." Casey told him.

That eased the tension a bit. Everyone laughed.

Severide shook his head.

"Laugh all you want…but you guys don't know what you're talkin' about. We're not that serious."

"No offense, Lieutenant…" Hermann said as he turned his attention back to his stew. "But you should really get your head examined. I think you got a screw loose somewhere."

"Yeah…" Cruz agreed. "Call the department shrink."

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Everyone was mingling around the common room…Mills was prepping to start cooking, and Dawson was taking ingredients out of the cupboard. Mouch and Otis sat in their respective corners of the couch watching whatever was on the tube.

Hermann was reading the financial pages from yesterday's Trib and Shay was looking through the features. Cruz had the sports and Casey was idly skimming the front section.

Kelly poured himself a cup of coffee and straddled a chair at the end of the table. He was still thinking about Alyssa and her situation.

She'd been out of ICU for about a week now…but she still had a hell of a long way to go. She had gotten up for the first time the day before yesterday and he had walked beside her as she took those agonizing three or four steps to the chair. It scared him to see her so weak and so helpless. And he worried again that he didn't have it in him to be there for her with everything she was going through…and everything coming down the road.

But he kept hearing something Leslie had said to him…

She asked him what Alyssa would do if the situation was reversed. He didn't even have to think about it. If it had been him who'd gotten hurt, Alyssa would probably never leave his side. She'd be there for every doctor's appointment, every rehab session…whatever.

He thought of all the hours and hours she had spent massaging his neck and shoulder when the pain was really bad. The C5 fracture he'd received last summer in the house fire that had killed his childhood friend Andy Darden still caused him constant discomfort.

For a while he'd been able to manage the pain with the vials of Toradol Leslie would slip him from the ambo…but then she got mad at him for not actually fixing the problem and stopped the supply.

So he'd seduced a drug rep…a former fling…to get him some Oxycodone. But then the whole team had been exposed to crystal meth at a scene…and he'd had Oxy in his system when they were ordered to pee in the cup. He was a nervous wreck…he didn't know how he was going to get around it…but then Leslie came through for him.

He had told Alyssa everything…well, minus the pharmaceutical supply chain…on their second date. And she had taken care of him…she was so gentle and loving as she massaged all the pain away. And after that she did it every day. She just knew when he needed it…without him ever having to say a word.

He was still lost in his thoughts when Boden came into the room.

"Okay…everybody listen up." He said, his deep voice booming around the room.

Everyone stopped whatever it was they were doing and looked up.

"We're gonna host a pancake breakfast…two weeks from Saturday. All the proceeds will go to Alyssa's family to help defray some of her medical costs."

There was agreement all around…why hadn't they thought of this sooner?

"So everyone's on board?" Boden asked. "Good…we'll get it in the paper…have posters printed up…whatever we can do to spread the word."

And with that the Chief left the room.

Otis approached Severide cautiously.

"Lieutenant?" He began.

Kelly looked up from his coffee.

"What do you want?"

Otis pulled out a chair and sat down. He had to word this carefully…

"You know about my podcast, right?"

Kelly shot him a disgusted look. Everyone in the whole station knew about Otis and his podcast.

"What about it?"

Otis took a deep breath.

"What if I talked about Alyssa? Used the podcast to get the word out about the fundraiser? Do you think her family would have any objection?"

He paused.

"Would _you_ have any objection?"

Kelly bristled. He wasn't sure how he felt about having Alyssa's story broadcast all over…

But Otis made a good point.

"I've got over a thousand followers, Lieutenant."

Kelly let his breath out…what the hell? If it brought in more money…what the hell?

"Okay…do it."

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So after they had eaten, Otis took his computer and headed into the briefing room. An hour later he came out.

He joined the rest of the team in the common room.

"Okay, guys…before I put this out…let me know what you think."

Everyone gathered around the computer. And Kelly braced himself for what he was about to hear.

"There are some calls that you just can't forget. Ask any firefighter…and he or she will tell you about the time someone was saved…or someone was lost. Maybe they saw a new life come into the world…or they were the person there when one slipped away. Some of the things we see on this job there are no words for. But I'll try and find some anyway.

A couple months back we were dispatched to an accident. I'm sure I wasn't the only one who thought the address sounded familiar. Sometimes we get frequent flyers, after all. But this wasn't one of them.

The victim was a young woman…and she'd been beaten violently. When the paramedics rolled her…I thought I was going to be sick. We've all seen badly injured victims before…car wrecks, fires, gang shootings…but this, this was done with somebody's bare hands.

One of our paramedics asked if anyone knew the victim's name…and that's when we knew. Her name is Alyssa Boungiovanni, and she's dating one of the Lieutenants at this station. We'd all been over at her place a few weeks ago for a birthday celebration. And before that we'd been there for a Super Bowl party. She'd occasionally show up at the house during shift…always with something to eat. Italians…right?

But you couldn't stop to think about that…our medics did what they had to do and we helped them get her into the ambulance. Then the truck went back to the firehouse. Someone had to tell the Lieutenant…and I can't even begin to imagine what must have gone through his mind. And after shift we all went to the hospital.

She was in surgery for over eight hours…she had massive injuries…a ruptured spleen, a lacerated liver, multiple fractures. But she pulled through. She spent three weeks in a medically induced coma and now she's fighting her way back. It's a long, slow, agonizing process…but I know she'll make it.

You can imagine what the cost of something like this might be. Alyssa's already been through three operations…she spent almost seven weeks in ICU…four of them on a ventilator. She's going to need months and months of rehab…and the bills could easily run into the millions. You never think about that part, do you?

We at Station 51 want to help in any way we can…so two weeks from Saturday…on June 1, we'll be hosting a pancake breakfast here at the firehouse. All the proceeds will be given to Alyssa's family to help with her medical expenses. Watch the papers for details…we're getting posters up in the neighborhood…and I'll have more information here in the coming days. So please, everyone come out and help us help our friend, Alyssa Boungiovanni."

Otis hit the pause and looked around at his colleagues.

"So…what do you think? Too much? Not enough?"

"It's perfect, Otis." Shay said quietly.

Then they looked at Severide.

His face was an expression of pain and anguish.

He felt everyone's eyes on him…and suddenly, he turned and just about ran out of the room.

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He found himself in the "gym". Suddenly, he felt this uncontrollable urge to hit something…and when Casey found him he was whaling on Boden's heavy bag.

Casey just stood there, hands stuffed deep in his pockets, and let Severide go…let him work out all his frustration.

Severide had changed…there was no doubt about that. He had started to see it the night Alyssa was attacked, when they were in the ER…and when they were waiting for news of her condition.

He'd known Kelly for over ten years…ever since he'd first come to Station 51. They'd been on Truck 81 together, before Kelly made the move over to squad. They'd become Lieutenants at the same time. They were real tight…and along with Andy Darden they'd been a hell of a team.

That had all changed with Andy's death. Casey'd watched his friend burn up right in front of his eyes…and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it. He'd wrestled with his own guilt that it should have been him going through that window first. Leaders lead from the front…how many times had he heard Boden say that? And Casey really took it to heart. He would never ask one of his men to do something he wasn't willing to do himself.

But in some corner of his mind he was pissed at Severide too. How hard would it have been to cut a damn vent like he'd told him to? So what if he was on the Rescue Squad? He was still a firefighter. He knew how to make a vent.

And Severide blamed him…at least partly. But Casey knew Kelly had been to hell and back over Andy's death. They had grown up together…played together, gone all through school together. And they'd gone to the Academy together. Losing Andy must have been like losing a brother.

Things between them had never been the same…even almost a year later. But they were starting to get some of it back since Kelly had been with Alyssa. The times when they'd all gone out for drinks together or everyone had gathered at her apartment for a party…Casey saw glimpses of the old Severide.

Casey had been there that night. He'd been in that vestibule with Shay and Dawson and he'd watched them fight to save the young woman's life.

And all the way back to the station he'd prayed that she'd make it to the hospital. He thought about how to tell Kelly. How could he even describe what he'd seen?

He was one of the few who continued to keep Severide up to date on Alyssa's progress. He didn't agree with Kelly's decision not to go to the hospital all those days she was in the coma…but he could see the anguish in his old friend's eyes. And he'd never doubted that in the end Kelly would step up and do the right thing.

Since Alyssa had woken up, Severide was there every day. Whenever Casey or anyone else from the house stopped by to see her, Kelly was right there holding her hand.

But it was a struggle…Casey could see. He tried to imagine watching someone he loved going through what Alyssa was going through. He really couldn't.

Severide was dripping sweat as he fired off a final series of punches. With the last one he gave it everything he had and watched the bag dance dizzily on the chain while he caught his breath. He looked up and saw Casey standing there.

Neither said a word. They didn't have to.

Casey clapped a hand on Severide's shoulder as the two Lieutenants walked toward the locker room.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

The morning of the pancake breakfast arrived and there was a line halfway down the block from Station 51.

Severide crossed his arms across his chest as he watched Otis and Hermann collect the money from each person who came through the door.

Mills and Dawson manned the griddle with a little help from a couple guys from Engine…Cruz and Mouch poured juice and coffee…Capp and Hadley from Squad dished up bacon and sausages.

Casey was blowing up balloons with an assist from Vargas, who had come back to help.

Leslie was setting up a face painting station and a coloring station for the kids.

Chief Boden was handing out plastic fire helmets and sticker badges to every kid that passed through the line.

Severide couldn't help but smile. Everything had really come together.

Joe Boungiovanni came up to him and held out his hand. Kelly shook it and the two men stood watching the mingling crowd.

Alyssa's whole family was there. All five of her brothers, her sisters-in-law Sherrie and Kathy, and all eight of her nieces and nephews. Her dad, Tony Sr. was there too. The only one missing was Alyssa's mom, Nadine, who was at the hospital.

"Some turnout…" Joe said.

He couldn't believe all these people were her for his little sister…

"Yeah…I never thought I'd be grateful for Otis's podcast." Kelly replied.

Otis had been right about using the podcast to let people know about the fundraiser. He'd even started a Facebook page and he had gotten Alyssa's permission to update it with news about her progress. So far it had almost two thousand "likes".

The parade of people filing through Station 51 seemed never ending. A carload of college kids came all the way up from Southern Illinois…fans of Otis's podcast…and a group of senior citizens came from a retirement home outside Racine, Wisconsin. One of their members had been a Chicago firefighter stationed at 51 back in 1953. Again, Otis's podcast had reached for miles.

A couple guys had to run out to the neighborhood Sam's Club and restock on pancake flour, milk and eggs…not to mention bacon and sausage and OJ.

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Chief came up to Severide, who was still marveling at the size of the crowd milling around the firehouse.

"I'd say this qualifies as a success…wouldn't you?" Chief said.

"You ain't kidding…but it's all good. Every little bit helps, right?"

"We've already served close to 1000 people. And there's still a line out the door. I just put almost $10,000 in the safe."

"You're shittin' me…" Kelly said in surprise.

Boden just shook his head slowly. And cracked a smile.

Just then Alyssa's brother Nick approached Kelly and the chief. He had his two boys by the hands and an older gentleman followed close behind.

"Hey…" he said.

Kelly turned to the voice.

"Nicky…" he held out his hand.

The two men exchanged a firm handshake. Then Severide turned to the chief.

"This is Alyssa's brother, Nick."

Boden held out his hand.

"Wallace Boden…"

Nick shook Boden's hand. Then he introduced his boys.

"These are my sons…Declan…" he ruffled the dark hair of the older boy "and Aiden. Boys…this is Chief Boden…and Lieutenant Severide."

"Are you my Aunt Alyssa's friend?" Declan asked Kelly.

He knelt down to the boy's eye level.

"Yeah…I am. A real good friend…"

Declan cracked a huge smile.

Nick cleared his throat.

"And this is my father-in-law…"

"Paddy O'Brien…" Boden finished.

The two men shook hands and slapped each other on the shoulders.

"Wally…" O'Brien said with a smile. "How long's it been?"

Boden shook his head.

"Four…five years? Not since your retirement party…"

"You mean when they put me out to pasture?" O'Brien said with a hearty chuckle.

Boden had to laugh.

"You said it…not me."

He turned to Severide.

"Paddy here was Chief of Battalion 23."

Kelly extended his hand.

"Pleased to meet you, Chief."

Chief O'Brien returned the firm handshake.

"I understand this whole event was your idea…"

Kelly shrugged.

"The whole crew really knocked themselves out. We just all wanted to do something to help."

"Alyssa's a special girl." O'Brien noted.

"Yes, sir…she is."

Kelly turned to Alyssa's nephews.

"Hey…how would you guys like a tour?"

The boys' faces lit up and the older boy, Declan, actually started bouncing.

"Can we, Dad?" He said to his father.

"Absolutely." Nick told him. "Lead the way…"

Kelly took Nick and his boys off on a tour of the firehouse, leaving Chief Wallace and Chief O'Brien to talk shop.

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The pancake breakfast had been a huge success. They had over 1000 people and raised over $10,000 to put toward Alyssa's medical bills. It was mind-blowing…

And it was a lot of fun…Kelly chuckled to himself as he drove to the hospital when he thought of Alyssa's nephews and how excited they were to be at the firehouse. He had taken them on a tour…and he let Declan try on his turnouts. The way they'd almost swallowed the little boy…he thought he was gonna die laughing. He could barely manage to take a picture.

He'd showed them all the gear and explained what everything was for…the PASS alarm, the SCBA.

It reminded him of when he was a kid and he'd hang around the firehouse with his dad.

Then he let the boys play in the truck…that's where Casey got in on the act.

He was really good with kids…he showed them everything…let them run the siren, climb on the back…

They were so excited…then Chief came over with Cruz and told him to drive the boys around the block.

Kelly and Nick climbed in back and buckled Declan and Aiden into the jump seat.

He'd taken about a dozen pictures of the boys…in the gear…on the truck…and he'd shot a little video of them during their ride.

He couldn't wait to see Alyssa and tell her all about it.

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He stepped off the elevator and headed toward her room.

When he got there the lights were off and the curtains drawn.

Nadine was fidgeting about…

"What's going on?" Kelly asked, very concerned.

Nadine turned toward the sound of his voice.

"Nothing…she needs to rest. That _therapist_ was here…and Alyssa's exhausted."

Despite repeated explanations from everyone…the doctors, the nurses, the therapists, and even her own family…Nadine refused to accept that encouraging Alyssa to get up and to walk and to do her exercises was helping her get better. Her mother knew best, she said…and what her baby needed was to rest and to be cared for.

She had had a few choice words for Kelly too…when he gently encouraged her to try and walk a little farther or to do just a few more reps with the squeezie ball or the thera-band, or when he helped her hold a stretch for a few seconds longer.

And Kelly uncharacteristically bit his tongue. He knew it would upset Alyssa if he were to get into a fight with her mom. But he just kept doing everything he had been. He knew what Alyssa needed to do and damn it, he was going to do everything he could to help her.

Nadine was gathering her purse and her magazines.

"I'm going downstairs to the coffee shop. I haven't eaten all morning…"

There was an unspoken jab in there too…as if to say she alone had been by Alyssa's bedside while everyone else was off having a good time.

Kelly just rolled his eyes after she left the room. He turned to Alyssa.

"Do you want all the lights off?" he asked.

She shook her head no.

They'd both be glad when the maxillofacial surgeon took the wires off of her jaw and she could talk again. Maybe this week…

Kelly turned the light on over her bed…and went over to the curtains. He looked over to her…a silent question in his eyes.

This time Alyssa nodded. And he opened the curtains to let the sun shine in. Then he went back to the bed and pulled a chair close to her side.

"The pancake breakfast was this morning…" he told her, and he could see in her eyes that she remembered. "It was crazy…there were over a thousand people there. The guys actually had to go out and get more supplies. It was absolutely insane…"

Her eyes shone.

"Your brothers were there…and your dad. And look…"

He dug into his pocket for his phone.

"Declan and Aiden were so excited to be at a firehouse…"

He showed her pictures of her little nephews dressed in his turnouts and on the truck.

Alyssa smiled.

"And watch this…Chief got Cruz to drive 'em around the block a few times." He played the video of Declan and Aiden bouncing with pure, unbridled joy on their faces as they got to ride in a real fire truck. "I thought we were gonna have to use the 'Jaws of Life' to get 'em out of there."

"A prolonged extraction…" Alyssa whispered quietly through her wired jaw.

Any kind of talking was difficult for her…but once in a while she managed to say something.

Kelly chuckled quietly. He loved that Alyssa still had her same sense of humor.

"Yeah…" he agreed.

He leaned down to kiss her forehead. Then he frowned.

She was burning up.

He gently touched her cheeks…they were on fire.

"You feel a little warm…" he said, trying to keep his voice calm. "Let's get someone to take your temperature."

He pressed the call light to ring for a nurse.

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When the nurse came in he asked…

"Can you check her temperature, please? She's kind of warm…"

The nurse went to get the scanner. She ran it across Alyssa's forehead.

"104.3." she said.

She pushed the call button to get some more help in there. Another nurse arrived and quickly left to go page Alyssa's doctor.

The first nurse…Meghan Finnelly, according to her ID badge…placed a pulse ox clip on Alyssa's left ring finger tip.

"86%..." she said.

"What does that mean?" Kelly asked.

God, he wished Shay was there so she could explain everything to him.

"That's a little lower than we'd like to see." Nurse Finnelly said carefully.

Alyssa's eyes were wide with panic. And Kelly felt his heart clench inside his chest. But he stroked her long hair…and whispered to her to just relax…everything was okay.

The nurse was fitting the nasal cannula onto Alyssa when suddenly her body began to shake. She sounded like she was choking!

"Help me sit her up!" the nurse told Kelly as she tried to pull Alyssa into an upright position.

Kelly did as he was told…and grimaced when he thought of Alyssa's broken ribs. He knew her sides were still tender.

Everything was happening really fast. Alyssa continued to choke and cough. Because of her jaw, though, it was a losing battle. The nurse tried to suction her, but it didn't do much good.

The number on the pulse ox was dropping right in front of Kelly's eyes.

Nurse Finnelly hit the call button again…

"Call a code!" she shouted when the intercom buzzed.

Outside in hallway Kelly could hear

"CODE BLUE! Room 2810! CODE BLUE! Room 2810! CODE BLUE! Room 2810!"

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Dozens of people came rushing from all directions. A crash cart was wheeled into the room and Kelly found himself being shoved out into the hall. More people were arriving…and he pulled out his phone in a panic.

"C'mon! C'mon!" he muttered under his breath as he waited for the call to go through.

"Kelly?" Shay's voice came through the phone.

"Shay…is Alyssa's family still around?"

"Yeah…her nephews are still playing on the truck. What's wrong?"

She could hear the panic in his voice.

"They've gotta get down here! You've all gotta get down here!"

Shay started walking. She grabbed Dawson's arm as she passed by.

"Go get Alyssa's family…tell them to get over to the hospital right away!" she told her partner. "Kelly? What happened? What's going on?"

"I don't know…she felt warm and I called a nurse to take her temperature…and it was like… 104…then there was something about her oxygen…and she started coughing and I don't know what else! They called a code blue and everybody and their brother came running in...They're still in there!"

Leslie was rounding up the team as she made her way over to where Chief Boden was still talking with Nicky's father-in-law…

"Okay, Kelly…we're on our way. Just try to stay calm…we'll be there as soon as we can."

"Hurry, Shay…just get here…"

He ended the call…

Leslie turned to the group. By now everyone else was aware that something was amiss and had gathered around.

"Kelly says we all need to get down to Lakeshore ASAP! It sounds like Alyssa went into respiratory arrest!"

And just like they were trained to do…everyone did what they had to do to move out. The only difference was that they weren't jumping into trucks and ambulances.

They all wished they were…the lights and the sirens would get them there faster…

Hopefully they'd get there in time.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

It was like a repeat of the night Alyssa was attacked. Alyssa's family and the whole crew were crowded into a waiting area.

Alyssa had been rushed back to the ICU. She had pneumonia…that was the reason for the fever, and when she coughed she wasn't able to clear the secretions because of her wired jaw. She aspirated on the mucus and it sent her into respiratory distress.

The doctor had cut the wires holding her jaw together and they'd cleared her airway as best they could…but they had to intubate her…so she was back on the ventilator.

Kelly felt like he was ready to scream. Why did this have to happen? Hadn't Alyssa been through enough? What was taking so long? Why didn't someone come out and at least give them another update?

He hated feeling so helpless.

Across the room her mother was blubbering and bawling like Alyssa was dead. The hospital chaplain and her son Jimmy were trying to calm her, but whatever they were doing…it wasn't working.

Kelly fought the urge to just go up and slap her. Everyone was tense enough as it was…and Nadine's carrying on was only making things worse. Finally, the chaplain had the good sense to take her into a separate room.

They could still hear her…but it wasn't _as_ bad as before.

Finally a doctor came out to talk to them. Everyone looked up as he walked into the room.

The doctor was surprised to find over twenty people crowded into the small space.

"I'm Dr. Chason…" he began. "Are you all here for Alyssa Boungiovanni?"

There were several nods and Joey and Kelly both stepped up to meet the doctor.

"Yeah…we're all here for Alyssa. I'm Joe Boungiovanni…her brother."

"And I'm her boyfriend."Kelly said.

The team from 51 looked around at one another in wide-eyed surprise.

Kelly had finally admitted Alyssa was his girlfriend!

This was huge.

"Well…" Dr. Chason said. "She's developed pneumonia…most likely from the aspiration of secretions. We're giving her some pretty potent antibiotics and supporting her respiratory efforts…but I have to tell you all, this is a very serious complication. Her weakened condition is going to make it hard to fight off the infection. We're doing everything we can for her."

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Visiting hours were over…and the last of Alyssa's family and the team from 51 was leaving for the night.

Only Severide wouldn't budge. He stayed firmly planted in the chair next to Alyssa's bed, gently stroking her left arm wherever he could without getting tangled up in IV tubing and wires. He didn't take his eyes off her face.

Shay came up beside him and laid a hand on his shoulder.

"Kelly? C'mon…it's time to go."

"I'm staying." He said simply.

Leslie sighed.

"It's been a long day and we've got a shift tomorrow. You need to get some rest."

"What are you? My mother? Read my lips, Shay…I'm staying."

He annunciated each syllable…and she was getting really annoyed with him.

"So you're gonna sit here all night and be like a zombie tomorrow?"

"I already talked to Boden. I've got a shitload of leave time in the bank. So I'm taking some of it."

Leslie stared, wide-eyed…her mouth agape.

"Now what?" Kelly snapped.

"What can you possibly do here all night? Except put yourself in the bed next to her when you drop from exhaustion…"

He cut her off.

"She didn't develop all these complications just like that…she had to have been sick for a while and nobody noticed. Somebody dropped the ball, Shay. And I'm not gonna let that happen again."

"Who are you and what have you done with my roommate?" she asked incredulously.

"You know…first you're all over my ass 'cause I wasn't here…now you're on it 'cause I am…make up your damn mind, will you?

Shay just sighed in frustration. Once Kelly got an idea in that impossibly hard head of his there was no reasoning with him.

As she trudged toward the elevator Leslie couldn't help but worry that he'd gone too far in the other direction.

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It was without a doubt the longest night of his life.

For the first time, Kelly really had a chance to study her…to take stock of everything that had happened.

He took in every inch of her, lying motionless in the bed under the harsh lights in the ICU. He stroked her cheek…flinching when his fingers brushed against the tape holding the ET tube in position. There were angry red scars around her eyes and along her jaw line…but those would fade with time. He wondered if cutting the wires on her jaw would mean complications in the long run…but it was necessary, in order to save her life.

He moved down to her neck, and the semi-healed trach incision. And then to her right arm, still encased in a cast. She had rods in both her humerus and her radius…not to mention the nails and wires. It remained to be seen how much mobility she'd have in the arm. She might need her shoulder replaced somewhere down the line.

Her gown covered the worst of it…they had practically had to split her in two that first night during the eight hour marathon surgery where the doctors searched desperately for every bleed. She had had her entire blood volume replaced during that surgery…and God only knew how many transfusions since then. He knew some of the guys at the house had donated blood for her…he'd heard them talking about it.

He winced when he thought back over those first three weeks…when he was being such an idiot…no, such a coward…that he almost walked away and never looked back.

It was so hard to see her like this. Since the night he had met her, she was always doing something…cooking for him…baking for the guys at the house. They always pounced on whatever it was she'd made. A couple times he'd had to count and make sure he had all his fingers after he reached into the fray to snag a cookie or one of the famous Amaretto brownies. He was pretty sure he wasn't the only one who'd put on a couple of pounds…

And at home…as soon as he closed the door, she was all his.

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Most every day, the first thing she did was massage his shoulder…helping to ease the pain. When she did that it was easy to manage with just Aleve or ibuprophen. Usually…

He'd had to work on Valentine's Day…and that was fine with him. Just the idea of a whole Hallmark holiday dedicated to love and all that gushy stuff made him shiver. He never knew what to do…so he didn't do anything. No, that wasn't true…he did send her some flowers…but at least he didn't have to worry about making some grand, romantic gesture. Candlelight dinner at some swanky restaurant and whatever.

But Valentine's Day turned out to be the day from hell.

They had been called to the scene of a warehouse accident. A 350 pound fork-lift operator had a massive heart attack while he was moving pallets…and when he slumped over the wheel he had driven right into a shelving unit twenty feet high. The rows had gone down like dominos and some of the guys who had been picking orders didn't make it out of the way. Three men lay pinned under the wreckage…and it was all unstable. It was like playing pick-up sticks with a couple tons of steel.

By the time they got back to the house his shoulder was killing him. He had pins and needles running down his arm and all he wanted was to stand under a hot shower. Well, not really…what he really wanted was to pop a couple Oxy…but he didn't have any.

No sooner had he settled down, then the bells went off again.

This time it was a car wreck and he'd had to wedge himself into a tight place get a good angle with the spreaders in order to get the victim out.

His arm was on fire as he tried to maneuver heavy piece of equipment.

He couldn't take it anymore…he just about turned his locker and his quarters inside out hoping against hope that he'd stashed a couple pills somewhere and forgotten about them.

But it was all to no avail. He didn't know what to do…just that he couldn't handle another call. He thought long and hard about going to Shay and having her take him to the ER.

But he didn't. That would start him on the very road he didn't want to go down. It would mean surgery…and doctors and follow-up…rehab…and in the end he'd probably still be put on long term disability. He couldn't risk it.

So he locked himself in the bathroom and whenever he heard the door open he made some horrible retching sound. Finally he staggered out, claiming his stomach was messed up…that it hit him all of the sudden. It wasn't hard to sell it…he knew he looked like hell.

Boden sent him home…and fifteen minutes later he was walking in Alyssa's front door. She was surprised to see him when she came out of the kitchen…but one look at his face and she knew what was wrong.

First of all, he hadn't even bothered to change into his street clothes. Second, it was 30 degrees out and he had no jacket. And if that wasn't enough, there was the way he held his right arm close to his body.

Alyssa quickly crossed the dining room floor and came up beside him. She gently put her arms around him and carefully cradled his bad arm as she led him toward the bedroom.

Just her supporting the arm helped take some pressure off the nerve and already he was able to breathe a little easier.

After depositing him on the bed she ducked out to the kitchen. Kelly heard the freezer door open and shut, and a moment later Alyssa was back with a couple jumbo size cold packs she'd snagged from work. She carefully applied them to his neck and shoulder and guided him back against the pillows. She tucked one under his arm so he was more comfortable. Finally she sat down beside him .

He laid his left arm across her lap and encircled her slender body…keeping her as close as he could. And she gently rubbed her hand up and down his arm, just offering whatever comfort she could.

"What happened, Kelly?" she asked softly.

He opened his eyes…and stared into hers…so gentle, so tender…and oh, so much more.

"Just a lot of stuff…the kind of calls we were getting today…"

"Is there anything I can do for you?"

His lips curled up into a little smile.

"You're already doin' it…"

Once the cold had eased the burning pains shooting up and down his arm, Alyssa helped him take off his shirt, and he lay down so she could rub his neck and his shoulder. By now, she knew exactly what he needed…where to touch, how much pressure, and for how long. Kelly could feel the tension drain from his body as he surrendered to the warmth of her hands, soft against his skin.

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He'd actually fallen asleep. And when he woke up it was night. Alyssa was curled up beside him and she'd brought the fuzzy blanket in from the living room and wrapped it around them. She softly trailed her fingertips across his back, he just loved the feeling of being connected to her somehow.

"Feel better?" she asked.

He slowly turned over in bed…gingerly rotating his shoulder and opening and closing his hand. It still hurt…but it wasn't nearly as excruciating as it had been before. His arm felt tired and heavy, and he reached for a pillow.

Alyssa saw what he was doing and quickly propped his arm up so he was more comfortable.

"A little…" he answered. "It's still sore."

She sighed softly and settled beside him, draping her arm across him, careful not to hurt his arm.

His stomach growled.

"Hungry?" she asked him.

"I'm starving…I haven't eaten since breakfast."

"I was planning a steak dinner for tomorrow…the one with the balsamic glaze you like…I can toss them on the broiler…"

"No…save that for tomorrow."

He wasn't surprised that she planned to make his favorite dinner…since they weren't supposed to be together tonight.

"I made soup today…" she offered hesitantly. "And I made fresh bread."

"Perfect." He told her.

Her soups were a meal unto themselves…full of meat and vegetables…it was more like a stew.

"Okay…I'll go heat some up."

"I'll keep you company…" he offered, as he struggled to sit up.

Oh..bad idea.

"Ow." He muttered, then cursed under his breath.

Immediately, Alyssa was beside him.

"What is it?"

"My arm…" he drew it in close to his body.

She reached out to reposition it…

"That helps…" he said as she helped support his arm like she had when he first got home.

"I've got something that'll help…"

She crossed the room to where her shoulder bag lay beside the dresser. She pulled a flat box from it, opened it, and took out a sling. She carefully put it on him and adjusted the strap.

"How's that?" she asked.

Kelly frowned.

It helped…a lot…but he hated it. He couldn't go around like that…

It was like Alyssa could read his mind.

"Just wear it around here for the next couple days…it'll keep the pressure off that nerve and you can just rest. And I've still got a couple more tricks up my sleeve…you'll be okay."

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It was four long, agonizing days until Alyssa finally turned a corner. The antibiotics finally started to knock down whatever infection raged inside her body…but it was back to square one. They had to wean her off the ventilator all over again and in her weakened state it took even longer.

The doctors talked to her family about traching her again…re-opening the hole they'd allowed to close.

But she managed to pull through.

Kelly hadn't left the hospital during those days Alyssa was fighting for her life. He'd barely left the room for that matter. And then only if one of her brothers or someone from the house was in the room…so he'd be sure to get a call if something changed.

And the day she stayed off the vent for twelve hours, he wanted to cry from pure happiness.

Because he knew that now Alyssa would be all right…he didn't know how he knew…he could just feel it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

June was an excruciatingly long month…but for the Fourth of July, Kelly had plans. Big plans.

He arrived at the hospital late in the afternoon toting a cooler and a large shopping bag.

"What's that?" Alyssa asked.

If she only knew how happy he was to hear her voice again…

"You'll see…" he said with a devilish grin.

He set the cooler down and leaned over to kiss her.

Then he noticed what she was wearing.

"Hey…you got dressed!"

She had been working so hard with the physical therapist and the occupational therapist. Hopefully, she'd get to go home soon.

"And if I never see another open-back, ass-hanging-out hospital gown again, it'll be too soon."

She sat on the bed wearing yoga pants and a t-shirt…and Kelly thought she looked beautiful.

"I kinda liked your ass hanging out…" he teased.

She smiled…and her cheeks flushed red.

But she managed to recover.

"Well…from now on that'll be for your eyes only, Severide."

He rubbed his hands together in anticipation.

"Okay…"he said, changing the subject. "Do you wanna see your surprise?"

Alyssa nodded.

Kelly reached into the bag…and pulled out a red and white checkered table cloth. He spread it over the tray table with a flourish. Then he produced matching napkins, plates, and silverware.

"What is all this?" she asked again.

"It's your 4th of July picnic." He said, as if the answer were obvious. "And what's a picnic without red solo cups?"

He pulled a couple out of the bag. And Alyssa rolled her eyes heavenward.

"Please don't start singing…"

Kelly laughed.

"No danger of that happening…"

He leaned over to kiss her again.

Then he opened the cooler and stated setting items out on the table.

"Egg salad…watermelon smoothie…Dreamsicle Jell-O…homemade banana pudding…and…fresh squeezed lemonade."

Alyssa's eyes sparkled with wonder.

"Did you make all this?"

Kelly laughed again.

"No. I want you to get out of here…Dawson and Mills were working on it all day."

"I love it…" she said.

"And here…"

He took out his phone and opened the music app. "Sweet Home Alabama" came pouring out of the speaker.

"Gotta have some good ol' American music…" he said.

Alyssa had tears in her eyes.

"It's perfect, Kelly…absolutely perfect."

They shared their picnic supper and listened to all her favorite songs…but there was more.

A little before nine o'clock, Kelly went and got a wheelchair.

"C'mon…" he said. "Hop in…"

"Where are we going?"

"Fireworks…"

He had gotten special permission from the doctors and the hospital administration to take her outside onto the patio facing the lake so they could watch the fireworks.

And it was magical.

Truth be told, he barely saw any of the show…Kelly was too busy watching Alyssa.

And he was sure he'd remember the look on her face for the rest of his life.

When the show was over he wheeled her back to her room. She was exhausted…and he turned back the covers before he lifted her out of the chair and laid her carefully on the bed. He pulled the blanket up around her and leaned down to kiss her good night.

"Happy 4th of July, Baby…" he whispered.

Alyssa sighed happily.

"You want me to stay till you fall asleep?"

"Mmmm-hmmm…should take about thirty seconds…"

He chuckled softly.

"Go to sleep…"

And he settled down in the chair beside her bed.

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Right after shift he headed for the hospital. Today they were supposed to find out when Alyssa could be discharged. She had been working really hard on her rehab and she was getting stronger little by little.

She still had a long way to go…but she'd be able to go to therapy as an outpatient. Right now she just wanted to get back to her own place and her own things and try to move on with her life.

At the spur of the moment Kelly decided to stop for Starbucks before he went to see her. They had been on a call last night…some idiot had decided that one A.M. was the perfect time to deep fry a turkey…in his garage. Then he tried to put the fire out himself with a garden hose. _And_ he had cans of gasoline in there…it was a miracle he didn't blow up the whole damn neighborhood.

So needless to say, nobody got a lot of sleep.

He got in line and ordered an Americano with a double shot and Danish. He paid for his food and when he turned around he almost collided with a blast from the past.

"Kelly?"

He found himself face to face with Nikki…Chief's friend's daughter…what was her last name? Rutkowski! That's it…Nikki Rutkowski.

"Hey…Nikki…" he said hesitantly.

The brunette launched herself at him, hugging him around his neck, nearly causing him to drop four dollars worth of coffee.

But he managed to disentangle himself…and she ordered her coffee.

"Can you sit a minute?" she asked. "Catch up?"

She batted her eyes…and turned her lip out in a little pout.

She looked kind of ridiculous…

But he said

"Sure…for a minute."

They found a table and sat down.

She was looking him up and down…

He was eyeing her cautiously.

"So when did you get back in town?" he asked.

"Oh God…months and months ago…" she answered with a wave of her hand. "But I did travel around a little. My girlfriends and I went down to Cabo…and we hit Vegas…it was awesome."

He just nodded.

"Good…I'm happy for you…did you patch things up with your fiancé?"

She shook her head…

"No. That ship sailed a long time ago…"

She didn't sound too broken up about it though.

"What about you, Kelly? What are you doing down here?"

"I'm on my way to visit somebody at the hospital…" he answered vaguely.

Nikki's eyes sparkled.

"Me too! My friend Shawna just had a baby…"

"Nice…"

He turned to look out the window at the people streaming past the shop…

And when he turned back he found himself staring down some very impressive cleavage.

"I got my boobs done…" she said in a teasing voice. "Do you like 'em?"

He sat back a little farther so she wasn't so "in his face"…and took a sip of his coffee.

But then again, what could you expect from a girl who handed a man her thong in an inner-office envelope…

"Nikki…don't…just…sit back, will you?"

She flopped back in her chair…the pouty lip curling out again.

"You don't like 'em?" she sounded disappointed.

"I can't do this." Kelly said.

He pushed back his chair and stood up.

Nikki caught his hand as he headed for the door.

"Kelly, wait…don't go."

"I have to…my girlfriend's waiting for me."

She stared at him in utter surprise.

"That's who I'm going to see…" he said. "My girlfriend…she's the one in the hospital."

"I…I had no idea…" Nikki stammered.

"A lot of things have changed."

"I can see that."

They stared at one another for a long moment.

She was remembering sneaking off to the equipment room for a quickie…

And he was thinking how sad it was that the girl was still spinning her wheels after almost a year.

"I gotta go." He said.

As he walked out of Starbucks he told himself there was no way he was gonna screw up the best thing that had ever happened to him.

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On his way over to the hospital Kelly banished all thoughts of his dangerous liaison…and focused on what was really important…Alyssa coming home.

He wasn't sure how they were gonna handle things. He sure didn't want to leave her alone for 24 hours…but he had used up a lot of his leave time over the last month.

He stepped off the elevator onto the Rehab unit…and strode down the hall to Alyssa's room.

He knocked on the door, then let himself in. And he was not prepared for what he found.

Alyssa was curled up on the bed crying her eyes out.

Immediately alarmed, Kelly hurried to her side.

"Lyssa…Baby, what's the matter? What's going on?"

She turned toward the sound of his voice…and started to pull herself up.

He just gathered her in his arms and lifted her into his lap. He rocked her like a child…as her whispered softly to her…

"Shhh…shhh…everything's okay…I've got you…it's all right."

She just sobbed uncontrollably against his chest, soaking his t-shirt with tears.

And Kelly fought off his own panic.

What the hell could have happened to make her this upset?

He was about to ring for the nurse, when Alyssa finally began to calm down.

When she was finally spent, he laid her gently back on the bed…and ducked into the bathroom to soak a washcloth in cool water. He carefully wiped her face…patting gently over the tiny scars that were the reminders of the surgical procedures she'd endured.

Then he poured her a cup of water from the pitcher by the bed. He watched her as she sipped it…his heart pounding with fear as he waited for her to tell him what had happened.

She set the cup down on the tray table and reached for a tissue. She blew her nose and dried her eyes, then took a couple deep breaths.

"Did you talk to the doctor, Lyssa?" he asked. "Did he say when you can get out of here?"

She nodded.

When she looked up at him her eyes filled with tears again and she fought to stay in control.

"He said we were shooting for the fifteenth…"

"That's great! That's just one more week!" he said, trying to cheer her up. "Then you'll be home!"

Alyssa's lip trembled and she was rapidly losing what little control she had.

"My mom gave up my apartment!"

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Kelly just blinked…she couldn't be serious…

But Alyssa was crying all over again. And he gathered her in his arms once more.

His mind was reeling as he tried desperately to calm her.

Her mom gave up her apartment? How could she even do that? What had happened to all her stuff? Where was she gonna go?

He wanted to tell her she could move in with him and Shay…he knew Leslie'd be okay with it. It's not like she consulted him when she moved Clarice in…

But how would they manage? He and Shay worked the same shift, so Alyssa would be alone for twenty-four hours at a time at least twice a week. And then there was the apartment itself…that spiral staircase could be treacherous in the light of day. Forget about in the dark and in Alyssa's weakened condition. It just wasn't possible, no matter how badly he wanted it.

"Baby…" he whispered.

But he didn't know how to console her on this one.

Finally…she cried herself out. There couldn't have been one more tear left in her. He poured her another cup of water and waited till she pulled herself together again.

"Now…" he told her. "Tell me everything…from the beginning."

She sighed.

"There's not much to tell…the doctor, and all the therapists and the social worker were talking about a discharge plan and they talked about me getting therapy at home…at least at first. And I started to give them my address so they could set it up…but my mother cut in and said 'she'll be living with us when she comes home.' When I asked what she was talking about, she announced that she had given up my apartment and had my brothers put my things in storage.

"How could she go and do that? I mean…it's your apartment, your name's on the lease…"

"She just told my landlord I wouldn't be coming back…I don't know what she said to him. But she made this decision on her own almost right after I…"

She stopped short. She had never said out loud what had happened to her…and she couldn't do it now.

"What about your brothers? They just went along with it?"

He couldn't believe Joey and Nicky hadn't said anything.

"Mom's always worn the pants in the family, so to speak. None of them want to cross her."

"Can we call your landlord? See if the place is still open?"

"It's been three months, Kelly. I'm sure it's rented."

He knew she was right. It was a great apartment…in a good neighborhood. No way it was staying empty for long.

He sighed.

"I wish I could say just move in with me, Lyssa…but with me and Shay both working the same shift…"

"I know…" she cut him off. "But I love you for thinking of it…"

Kelly caught his breath.

There was that word again. Maybe one day he could say it back…maybe.

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It was long after visiting hours had ended before he finally left the hospital. Alyssa had been crying on and off all day and he was worried she'd make herself sick. He had wanted to stay the night…but the charge nurse on the rehab unit was a bitch on wheels. He had had a couple of heated discussions with her out in the hallway and in the end they managed to come to a compromise…Kelly could stay till Alyssa fell asleep. Then he had to go.

He crossed the lobby and the security guard let him out the door. Once he was outside he pulled his phone out of his pocket and scrolled through his contact list. He pressed a button and made a call.

"Hey…it's me…listen, can I come over?"

He paused to listen…

"No, it can't wait!" he snapped.

Then he said…

"Fine…I'm on my way. Be there in a few."

He ended the call and quickened his pace as he headed for his car.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

A little while later he was pounding on Joe's front door.

Joe yanked it open…it was obvious he had been asleep.

"All right…" he yawned. "What's so important that it can't wait till morning?"

Severide stepped inside and as soon as Joey closed the door, he turned on him.

"What the hell, man? You couldn't have at least given me a heads up that your mom gave up Lyssa's apartment?"

"You woke me up to talk about that?"

"Well, I've been a little busy! Your sister's been crying her eyes out all day after that bombshell your mom dropped on her…so I've kind of had my hands full!"

Joe staggered over to the couch and flopped down. He held his head in his hands…then wiped them down his face in frustration.

He looked up at Kelly.

"What do you want me to say?" he asked.

Kelly was fuming.

"I want you to explain to me how you could just go along with this? I want to know how you could just leave your sister hanging out to dry! Now she's gonna be discharged in a week and she doesn't have any options!"

"You don't know my mom! Once she makes up her mind about something…not even an act of God can change it!"

"I know plenty about your mom! And if you don't have the stones to stand up to her…you should have said something! I've got no problem tellin' her what I think!"

"Good luck with that!" Joe retorted.

Both men took a step back to catch their breath.

Kelly raked his hand through his hair and growled in frustration.

Then he took a deep breath.

"Look…the only one that really matters here is Alyssa. I wish to God I could just bring her home to my place…but with me and Shay both working the same shift…and that damn staircase…"

"I know…I'd move her in here…but I've only got the one bedroom…plus I work every day." Joe said. "And Nicky doesn't have the room…what with a baby coming and all. Tony's place is out too…no room. Same with Mark."

"What about Jimmy? Doesn't he have a big house?"

"Roxanne would never go for it. She thinks we're all too low class…"

They had pretty much run out of options.

"It sucks…" Joe said.

"You ain't kidding…" Kelly agreed.

There had to be a solution somewhere, though. He just had to find it.

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Alyssa's discharge was bittersweet. They were happy she was getting out of the hospital…but Alyssa said she felt like she'd just been sentenced to life in prison.

Kelly came to pick her up.

That was another argument. Alyssa's mom was bitterly opposed to anyone but her driving Alyssa anywhere.

But Alyssa told her mom that she was going with Kelly, period.

Nadine had come to the hospital anyway…either thinking she could browbeat Alyssa into changing her mind or just leave before Kelly got there. But Alyssa stood her ground.

Actually, she sat down in the chair and refused to move until he arrived.

She signed her discharge papers and the nurse came with a wheelchair…but Alyssa said she preferred to walk.

Kelly grabbed her bag and slung it over his shoulder, then put his other arm around Alyssa and the couple walked to the elevator.

Nadine wrung her hands nervously as he helped Alyssa into the car. She was probably thinking he was gonna just hop on the nearest expressway and take off with her baby to parts unknown.

And he'd be lying if he said that thought never crossed his mind.

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But he didn't. He delivered Alyssa to her parent's house on the North side.

He carried her things to her room…and wasn't surprised in the least that it still looked like a teen-age girl's room. Her mom had even left the Backstreet Boys poster on the wall.

He rolled his eyes…and turned to Alyssa standing in the doorway.

"That's gotta go…" he told her, nodding his head in the direction of the boy band.

"By all means…" Alyssa agreed.

So he took the poster down and crumpled it into a ball, which he neatly sunk for two points in the trash can next to the desk.

Alyssa closed the door and crossed the room to Kelly's waiting arms. As she stepped into the safety of his embrace she sighed.

"I know, Baby…" he told her. "It's just for a little while…you just gotta keep telling yourself that."

"I never said 'thank-you', Kelly. For everything…you've been there for me every step of the way…all the times you stayed with me, helping me with my therapy…all the things you've done to cheer me up."

She was thinking of all the little treats he brought her…like something Dawson or Mills had whipped up when she couldn't look at hospital food one more time. Or the fireworks on the 4th of July…or the movies he'd bring so they could watch them on the laptop. He brought her books she wanted to read and kept her magazine subscriptions coming. He even made a deal with someone he knew to come cut her hair and do her nails while she was in the hospital.

He had really gone all out…and she had never felt so loved…not by anyone…even though he'd never said the words out loud.

The moment was shattered, though; when Nadine threw open the door.

"Alyssa…it's time for lunch…"

"Mother!"

"What?" Nadine asked.

She obviously didn't see anything wrong with barging in on her thirty year old daughter.

"Did you not see the door was closed?! Did you not think to knock?!"

"I'm not gonna knock on doors in my own house. Now say good-bye to Kelly. It's lunch time."

"Mother!"

Kelly just shushed her.

"It's okay…I wanted to hit the gym today anyway."

He leaned down to kiss her…feeling Nadine's beady little eyes boring into him the entire time.

But he ignored her…and concentrated on Alyssa.

"It's not worth it…" he whispered in her ear. "She's not worth getting all riled up over."

And he kissed her again and walked right past Nadine on his way out the door.

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Alyssa felt like she was living in hell…or like she was back in high school. Same difference, she said.

Every day Nadine had her daughter under her thumb the more over-bearing she became.

But Kelly tried not to let it get to him. There was no way he was going to abandon Alyssa. So he just kept biting his tongue…

Every day he wasn't on shift her took her to physical therapy…then out to lunch…and a movie…back to his place…whatever he could do to keep her away from the house a little longer.

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One day he was a little late…he was on shift…and they'd gotten an early AM call. He barely had time to shower before he had to pick her up.

He jogged up the walk and knocked on the screen door. When Alyssa came to open it she had a strange look on her face…a cross between anger and fear…and shame.

"What's wrong, Babe?" he asked.

"C'mon in. There's someone I'd like you to meet…" she said.

She took his hand and led him into the family room.

A guy about his age stood up from the couch. He was about Severide's height, but nowhere near as muscular. His hair was longer and curled around his collar…and his eyes were an icy shade of blue.

He was good-looking…if you liked the pretty-boy type.

The stranger shifted back and forth nervously.

Alyssa made the introductions.

"Kelly…this is Jonny DiNardo, a friend from high school. Jonny…I'd like you to meet my boyfriend, Kelly Severide."

Jonny stepped forward to shake Kelly's hand.

"Pleased to meet you." He said.

"Likewise." Kelly answered.

He'd heard the name Jonny DiNardo before. There were pictures of him all over the house, for God's sake.

Jonny was Alyssa's high school sweetheart…and her mother longed for the days of yesteryear. She threw the boy's name around more than the Cubs threw the ball around the infield.

At that moment Nadine came in from the kitchen. She looked at the little triangle she had created…obviously very pleased with herself.

"Oh…Kelly…have you met Jonny? He came all the way from California to see Alyssa!"

Kelly ignored the meddlesome woman and turned to Alyssa.

"We'd better get going…your appointment's in less than an hour. We don't want to be late." He said tersely.

Alyssa swallowed hard. She was afraid Kelly might take Jonny being there the wrong way…she had to explain everything to him and the sooner the better.

"Okay…" she said. "Let me grab my things."

She took a couple steps toward her room and then she heard her mother's voice.

"I'm sure Jonny would be happy to take you, Alyssa. That way you could spend more time together."

She turned to her mother, anger flashing in her dark brown eyes.

"_Kelly_ is going to take me, Mother. Like he does every day. He knows just where to go…he knows just what to do, and he knows what exactly what I need."

She turned to Jonny.

"I'm sorry this was a short visit. I'll call you later, okay?"

Jonny looked relieved to get out of the middle of whatever mess his presence had just created.

"That's fine." He said as he crossed the room. He placed a chaste kiss on Alyssa's cheek, and then he turned to Kelly and held out his hand. "It was good to meet you…Alyssa's told me a lot about you."

Kelly shook Jonny's hand again and nodded.

He couldn't exactly say the same.

Jonny turned to Alyssa's mom as he hustled out the door…

"Bye, Mrs. Boungiovanni."

When the screen door shut behind him Nadine glared at Alyssa…who glared right back.

"Alyssa Margaret…" Nadine began.

But Alyssa just held up her hand.

"Don't even, Ma…don't even speak to me."

She quickly grabbed her purse and her gym bag and hurried to Kelly's side.

He reached for her bag and threw the strap over his shoulder. Then he put his arm around Alyssa's waist and steered her toward the door.

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They drove in silence for a block or two.

Then Alyssa spoke.

"Kelly...please don't be angry at me. I had no idea what she was up to until Jonny just showed up at the door."

Kelly took a couple deep breaths, trying to reign in his anger. It wasn't Alyssa he was mad at…but she was the most convenient target.

"She's been plotting this for a while though…to get you back together with your ex-boyfriend."

"Jonny was never my boyfriend. Our moms have been friends forever…we grew up together. He lived two houses down the block. We were partners for swing choir in junior high and in high school. We went to all the dances together…parties, whatever."

"That sounds like a boyfriend to me." Kelly said bitterly.

Alyssa sighed.

"More like I was his beard." She said softly.

Severide did a double-take.

"What?" he asked…not sure he had heard right. "Excuse me?"

"Jonny's gay. He's known since about seventh grade…but he was too afraid to come out. His parents _still_ don't know."

"You're kidding me, right?"

He digested what she said…then he laughed out loud.

"And your mom doesn't have a clue…"

Alyssa laughed too.

"Nope. Not at all…"

But he still had to hear the rest of the story…

"Jonny used to get teased something terrible. First it was 'cause he's absolutely hopeless when it comes to sports…then when he got into music and theater. Then when we were in tenth grade, some Neanderthal jock _claimed_ that he caught Jonny checking him out in the locker room and three guys beat the shit out of him."

She stopped to get a breath…

"I was waiting for him and when he didn't come out I was scared, so I sneaked into the boys locker room and found him bleeding in the showers. I took him home with me…my parents were gone for a retreat with the church…and I cleaned him up. And we hatched this plan…we pretended to be dating, and sometimes we'd let people catch us getting hot 'n heavy…and the rumors and the teasing stopped. Nobody bothered him for the rest of high school. Afterwards we both went to Truman and that's when our moms started hinting around about a wedding. But then he moved to Los Angeles. He's waiting tables, but he's had a couple of bit parts on a couple different TV shows and he's worked as an extra in the movies. He did a play two years ago and it was pretty well received. But most of all…he could finally be himself. He was in a relationship for about two years, but it didn't work out…so he's just been playing the field, so to speak. He seems happy…and I'm glad for him."

Kelly just nodded…he understood.

And he thought how he'd love to be a fly on the wall if Nadine ever found out the truth.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

It was a long, hot summer…in more ways than one.

Alyssa was still at her parents' home…and she and Nadine had some unholy battles.

One day she caught Alyssa looking through the classifieds looking for an apartment…and she flipped out.

"What are you doing, Alyssa?" she asked.

Lyssa calmly laid down the pen she had been using to jot down potential options and gave her mom a level stare.

"I'm looking for an apartment." She replied calmly.

"WHAT? Oh no, missy…you're not going anywhere! It's too dangerous!"

"Mother…I'm thirty years old. I've lived on my own for six years now…"

"And look what happened!" Nadine shouted. "You nearly got yourself killed! You are staying _right here_…where it's safe!"

"What happened wasn't my fault! I can't give up my entire life because of some deranged lunatic…who happens to be safely behind bars…"

"You can have a life!"

"Not if I never leave this house, I can't!"

The charged words reverberated in the air.

Then Nadine regrouped and tried again.

"Alyssa…I just want what's best for you. You deserve to have a nice life…a husband, children…a beautiful house in a safe neighborhood. If you just call Jonny DiNardo, I'm sure he'll come back…"

"Enough with Jonny DiNardo, Ma! He doesn't want to marry me…and I sure don't want to marry him!"

"But if you just call him…"

"No! Ma! Just stop, already! I'm in love with Kelly! He's the only one I want to be with!"

"He's not the right man for you, Alyssa. He didn't even come to the hospital when you were asleep all that time! What kind of boyfriend is that?"

Alyssa was furious. After all Kelly had done for her…her mother just dismissed it with a wave of her hand.

"Mother…this discussion is over."

"But…"

"OVER! You don't get to choose who I date…I do. And I choose Kelly. He was there for me every day."

"He was not!"

"Every day that mattered to me, Ma…he was there. I don't know where our relationship is gonna eventually end up…but this is what I want."

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Kelly heard the whole story as he drove to the "Friends of Firefighters" BBQ.

They almost hadn't gotten out the door…

When he got to the house Nadine was going on and on about how the picnic was "too much" for Alyssa.

"Ma…stop! I'll be perfectly fine! I'll be with Kelly…he's not about to let anything happen to me!"

"But it's so far! It's not safe!"

"Oh Good God, Mother! You think any place farther than the back yard is too far! And I'll be surrounded by firefighters and paramedics…it's probably the safest place in the whole damn city!"

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He just let Alyssa go on and vent all her frustrations.

"I've got to get outta there, Kelly. I can't take it anymore. I've gotta get back in my own place."

"What about us getting a place together?" he suggested.

Alyssa looked at him in wide-eyed surprise.

He was a little surprised himself.

"Are you serious?" she asked.

"Yeah. I've actually been thinking about it for a while now." He answered. "I just wasn't sure how you'd feel about being alone when I'm on shift. You used to have such a hard time sleeping…before…"

Alyssa was quiet.

"What?" Kelly asked nervously.

"The reason I couldn't sleep…I was always…thinking in the back of my mind…that it was only a matter of time before Brad would find me. I used to think I saw him…places I'd go…the store, whatever. Every time I went out I was looking over my shoulder."

Now it was Kelly's turn to be silent.

"How come you never told me that before?" he asked quietly.

"Because…I wasn't sure what we were doing, Kelly. I knew how I felt…but I wasn't sure about you. And I just didn't want to seem…ridiculously needy."

Kelly didn't know what to say…so he just turned his attention back to driving.

He felt like she'd just thrown cold water on him…and the realization that she'd kept all those fears to herself, because of his inability to express what he felt for her left a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach.

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He pulled into a parking space near the picnic grounds.

He could see crowds milling around…he could hear kids laughing and shouting as they played…he heard music…and smelled the food cooking.

And he turned the engine off…and just sat there.

"Kelly?" Alyssa said hesitantly.

She wasn't sure what had happened to make him so uncharacteristically silent.

He unbuckled his seatbelt and turned slowly to face her.

She was a bit alarmed by the hurt in his eyes.

"Kelly, what's wrong?"

Kelly took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"I'm an idiot." He said. "I've been trying to convince myself that we just had this casual thing going on…and I was so busy trying to keep my own heart under wraps…that I made you think I didn't care."

"Oh, Kelly…you don't have to…"

"Yeah, I do." He cut her off.

He reached out and took her hands in his and looked deep into her brown eyes.

And even though they were sitting there, having this serious conversation that they really should have had six months ago…he was astounded by the depth of the love he found there. And he finally let it fill the emptiness he'd carried around inside ever since his former fiancée had confessed to cheating on him three days before the wedding.

"You were afraid, Alyssa…and you felt like you couldn't come to me. Well…I'm telling you now. I'm in this relationship 100%. I'm not going anywhere…and you can tell me everything."

She felt like her heart was about to burst.

She felt a tear trail down her cheek…and he reached out to wipe it away.

He gently cupped her cheek in his strong hand…and captured her lips for a soft, tender kiss.

"I love you, Kelly." She whispered. "I love you so…so much."

And then he finally…_finally_…said the words. The ones she had been waiting so long to hear.

"And I love you."

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Alyssa felt like she was floating on cloud nine as she and Kelly made their way over to the tables where Station 51 had set up camp.

It was the first time most of the team had seen her in the six weeks since she'd been released from the hospital…and she hugged Gabby and Mills and Hermann and Otis…right on down the line.

And while everyone was talking and laughing, drinking and eating…Kelly quietly took Shay off to one side.

"I just wanted you to be the first to know…Alyssa and I are gonna get a place together…so…you'll have to find a new roommate…'cause I'm moving out…"

Leslie just stared at him for a moment…

Then she launched herself at him and gave him a huge hug.

"That's great, Kelly…I'm really happy for you. For both of you."

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But eventually the day had to come to an end.

Kelly threw his arm around Alyssa's shoulders as they headed back to the car.

He felt more relaxed than he had in a long…long time.

As he opened the door for her, Alyssa suddenly turned to him.

"Kelly…can we go back to your place? I just don't want to go back to my folks' house…not now."

He leaned down to kiss her.

"Whatever you want, Babe…"

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He opened the door to his apartment and led her inside.

He tossed his keys on the counter and headed for the fridge.

"Do you want something to drink? Something to eat?" he asked.

Alyssa shook her head.

"I couldn't eat another bite…"

He pulled a beer out for himself, and then turned to face her…

The way the light was hitting…it caught the red highlights in her dark brown hair…and she just looked so…soft…so inviting.

He set his beer down on the counter and quickly closed the space between them. He leaned down and captured her lips with a deep, passionate, all-consuming kiss.

Every sense he had kicked into over-drive…it had been so long since he'd held her in his arms…since they'd really and truly been alone together…it was almost too much.

He started to back her over to the couch…

"Kelly, let's go upstairs…" Alyssa whispered breathlessly between kisses.

She didn't have to tell him twice…he easily lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist.

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Don't ask how he did it…but he carried her up the stairs to his room…and once the door was closed behind them, he laid her on the bed.

He pulled his shirt over his head before he joined her…balancing himself over the top of her. He felt her fingernails drag lightly across his back…and that only heightened his need all the more.

He trailed hot kisses down her neck and began to fumble with the buttons on her blouse. She quickly came to his aid and in no time at all her blouse was on the floor…followed seconds later by her shorts.

He started to slide her bra straps off her shoulders…when he suddenly stopped.

It was the first time he had actually _seen_ the scars on her body…the incision that went from the top of her sternum to the bottom, and then fanned out in both directions across her abdomen. He knew they were there…he'd heard the surgeon describing the procedure the night it happened. And Alyssa had told him…but being face to face with it brought it all home.

"Kelly?" Alyssa said in a quiet voice…

This is what she had been afraid of…that once he saw her body he would think she was ugly…and he wouldn't want her.

"Lyssa…are you sure?" he asked.

"Do you not want to?"

"No…"

Then he realized how bad that sounded.

"No! Lyssa…I want you more than I've ever wanted you in my life…I just…I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't…you won't."

He pulled back…studying her again…then he pulled her to him and went back to kissing her.

"You're beautiful…" he whispered in her ear. "So…so beautiful…"


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

They found a great apartment about three blocks from the firehouse.

Alyssa's mother had practically had a heart attack when they announced their plans…she was hysterical, carrying on like Alyssa was defecting to another country.

Then she put her foot down…and absolutely forbid Alyssa to leave.

Yeah…that worked out real well.

Kelly had to turn away to stifle his laughter.

Alyssa's brothers were happy for them, and Joey, Nicky, Mark and his son Donnie were on hand with the team from Station 51 to help them get moved in.

The apartment was in an old building…probably close to ninety years old…and outside it was similar to Alyssa's old building. That gave them both a moment of pause…but once they went inside…

The place was totally rehabbed. There were hardwood floors and crown molding, large windows and a gas fireplace. The kitchen was well laid out, like Alyssa's old one…but there was a huge pantry and a full sized washer and dryer.

And it was a bargain. Kelly thought the guy was joking when he told them the price. He could have easily gotten double what he was asking. But Kelly figured he didn't need to point out this obvious error…so they signed the lease and the deal was done.

They got Alyssa's things out of storage and Kelly moved his stuff and they set up house.

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Kelly couldn't believe the way everything had turned out…

As he drove to work in the morning he was thinking his life was damn near perfect.

He had just marked fifteen years with the department…and for once it seemed like his personal life was right on track too.

But he should know better…

What was that saying… 'If you want to make God laugh…tell him your plans'?

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The first call of the day…and things just went south from there.

"Truck 81…Ambulance 61…Squad 3…accident…North Avenue and Clark."

"Could they be a little more specific?" Hadley asked as he got behind the wheel. "Lincoln Park's a big place…"

"Guess we'll find out when we get there." Severide answered.

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They wove through the streets and looked for any signs of trouble. And then they spotted a young guy in his twenties wearing a City Parks uniform. The guy was frantically waving his arms to flag them down. He ran up to Chief Boden.

"We were trimming the trees! And he just fell out! All of the sudden! I think he must've had a heart attack!" the guy rambled as he ran back toward the park.

Boden followed the young man's frantic gestures. There was no body on the ground…

He looked up.

There was the victim…swinging from the tree, suspended by his harness.

"Get the truck up here…" Boden said into his radio. "We're gonna need the aerial."

While Cruz pulled the truck as close to the victim as he could, Severide quickly assessed the situation.

The victim was dangling…unconscious…from a branch about fifteen feet off the ground. And his line was all tangled in the branches above him.

He was going to have to go at this from the top…get the victim secured to his own line…then cut him down.

No big deal.

The men raised the ladder and Kelly climbed up to the top…ran the rescue line over the top rung…and reached down to clamp the "D" ring to the victim's harness. He was a little high…so he stretched his right arm…

Then he heard a crackling noise above him.

The lighter braches broke off one by one…and the victim started to fall.

Without even thinking, Kelly grabbed for the first thing he could get his hand on…the harness.

He caught him just as the branch above him came down…narrowly missing his head.

And then Kelly was holding the man…about two hundred pounds of dead weight…dangling from his right arm.

He felt his shoulder tearing and his arm went numb…but he held on. Praying to whatever Deities were up there, he struggled to get his other arm over the ladder to get the damn harness fastened.

Severide had never heard a more wonderful sound than the "D" ring clamping around the ring of the victim's harness.

Hadley and Capp lowered the victim down onto the waiting stretcher and Shay and Dawson rushed him to the ambulance.

Kelly tried to catch his breath…and push back the blinding pain shooting through his neck and shoulder and up and down his arm. He knew there was no way he could support himself…so he awkwardly turned around and inched his way down the ladder backwards…his butt against the rungs, his left arm keeping him stable…his all but useless right arm held tight against his chest.

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Back at the house, he stood under a hot shower…just letting the water run over him. He had to pull it together, he told himself. He still had about twenty more hours to go.

He toweled off…and managed to pull his clean clothes on…then went into the nearest stall to compose himself again.

He came out to find Chief Boden waiting for him.

Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, he strode up to the sinks to wash his hands.

"Chief…" he said.

"What's goin' on with your arm?" Boden asked.

Chief was never one to pull punches.

"Nothing…I just tweaked it at the gym, that's all." Severide attempted to make light of the searing pain in his arm. "It's no big deal."

Boden gave him a hard look.

"Looked like more than a 'tweak' to me…"

"It's no big deal." Severide said again. "I'm fine."

He put on his best poker face…and looked Boden dead in the eyes.

Boden stared back just as intensely…looking to see if Kelly was bluffing.

The Chief reached out his hand…like he was going to touch Kelly's shoulder.

And before he could stop himself, Kelly pulled away…instinctively guarding his injured arm.

Boden just shook his head.

"No…go home, Kelly."

"I'm fine!"

"Go home!" Boden's deep voice echoed around the room. Then his voice softened. "Go home…be with Alyssa…and rest. If that arm's not better before your next shift…then I will _personally _take you for an x-ray."

Severide started to protest…but he knew it wouldn't do him any good.

He grabbed his stuff…and stalked out of the firehouse.

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It was like déjà vu…coming home to the apartment in the middle of shift like this.

"Kelly?"

Alyssa came out of the kitchen.

"Kelly, what are you doing home? Are you okay?"

She crossed the dining room to him. She could see in his face he wasn't okay.

"Your arm?" she asked quietly.

She gently put her arms around him, and cradled his right arm as she led him to their bedroom.

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She did everything she knew how to make him more comfortable…but it just wasn't enough. She knew it was bad when he asked her if they still had the sling she'd snagged from the physical therapy clinic when she worked there.

That helped the pain…as did Alyssa's other remedies…hot showers, heat patches, a cream that she used when she massaged his neck and shoulder. It helped…but it wasn't enough. He couldn't wait a week or two for things to settle down and get back to normal. He had to be okay by his next shift…or Boden was gonna make him get that x-ray. Then the C5 fracture would be revealed…and he'd have to go on long term disability. Or get that surgery…and probably still have to go on disability. Basically, if he got that x-ray, his career was over.

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Kelly prowled the apartment like a caged animal. He just couldn't sit down and relax. It's not that the pain was so excruciating…but he only had about thirty-six hours till he had to be back at Station 51. And every time he moved his shoulder…it was enough to make him see stars.

Alyssa had just run to the store for a couple of things…she'd be back soon.

Kelly went into the bathroom and opened the medicine chest. He stared at the contents…and really wrestled with his conscience.

Then he reached for a prescription bottle.

Alyssa had been on a pretty extensive pain regimen since…well, since _it_ happened. Between all the surgeries…her broken arm…and the head injuries…she was still dealing with a lot. But she was trying to get by on less medication. She hated the way the narcotics made her feel and she couldn't wait for the day when she didn't need all the pills and patches and whatever.

He closed his eyes. What was he doing?

But Alyssa understood how much being a firefighter…and being on Squad meant to him. She knew that was all he'd ever wanted…she knew it's what he was born to do. She'd understand this? Right?

At least that's what he told himself.

He opened the bottle and swallowed down one of her MS Cotins.

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By the time Alyssa got back from the store the meds had kicked in…and Kelly was feeling more like himself.

He watched as she put the groceries away…then he crossed the kitchen and slid his good arm around her slender waist and kissed her.

"What was that for?" she asked.

"To say thank-you…" he replied. "Thank-you for taking care of me."

"You've been taking care of me for so long…now it's my turn." She told him as she slid her arms around him, careful of his right arm still folded in the sling across his chest.

They stood in the silence of their kitchen…just enjoying the closeness between them. Kelly pulled Alyssa closer to his left side and she laid her head against his shoulder. He looked down at her…and placed a gentle kiss on top of her head. He loved the smell of that fancy lemon shampoo she used…and the feel of her hair so soft and silky against his cheek.

He loved her so much…more than he ever imagined himself capable of. She once told him that he had saved her…that there were so many times since her injury that she was close to giving up, but him being there every single day…helping her with her therapy, encouraging her…that's what had pulled her through.

But the truth was, she had saved him…she saved him from himself, from just drifting through life going from one woman to another…from never feeling anything. If he was being completely honest, he was afraid he'd spend his life alone.

He had his family at the firehouse…but what happened when that was all over? When they all retired and went their separate ways? Hermann talked about going to Wisconsin with his wife…and he had his kids…surely he'd have a whole slew of grandkids one day. Casey would find someone…whether he got back with Hallie or whether he eventually won Dawson's heart. Sure, she and Mills had a thing going…and they might go the distance…but he thought she and Casey were a better match. But the point was…they'd all go on to have lives and families and they'd leave him behind.

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Alyssa shifted against him, bringing him out of his thoughts. He felt a warmth flow over him as he ran his hand over her back, appreciating the dip at her waist…then down over her ass.

He kissed her again.

"I'm gonna take a shower…"he told her.

"Okay…"

She tried to step back, to let him go…but he held her tightly against him.

"I think I might need a little help…"

There was a little bit of a teasing tone in his voice. He was defiantly feeling better…

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah…I mean…I only got one arm here…"

He leaned down to capture he lips again…

She couldn't refuse him…and he knew it.

She _did_ help him…she helped him to undress…she adjusted the water, and angled the showerhead to pulsate bursts of hot water down on his aching muscles.

Then she got in with him…and he caught his breath as her silky smooth skin came into contact with his body. She slipped one arm around his neck and he shivered when her fingers gently traced the edge of his collarbone. With her other hand she softly cradled his injured arm…carefully rotating his shoulder as the massage jets pummeled him.

It felt so good…not just what she was doing for his shoulder…but the tender, loving caresses…and her body pressed against his…skin on skin.

He gingerly moved his right arm and used it to pull Alyssa in front of him. He still felt little twinges of pain…but there was another ache that desperately needed attending to at the moment.

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Later, when they lay in the slightly dampened sheets…he felt a little guilty again. The only reason he was able to make love to her the way her just had…with little regard for his injured shoulder…was because he had stolen her pain pills.

How could he do that? He knew what she went through…he had held her through the blinding headaches she sometimes got. How could he steal the thing that gave her relief?

But as Alyssa burrowed closer to his side he pushed those thoughts out of his head.

He knew that she loved him…loved everything about him. She loved him being a firefighter and she was proud of him. And in order to continue to be that…to be that man she loved, right now he needed a little help.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Severide strode into the firehouse, ready for action.

He had swallowed down another of Alyssa's MS Cotin that morning…and he had another two that he'd slipped in with his vitamins. And he had stashed about ten Toradol in with his ibuprophen that he kept in his bag.

Chief was waiting for him.

"How's the arm?" he asked.

"Fine…" Kelly said as he rotated his shoulder to show Boden that he was okay. "No problems."

Boden looked him up and down…trying to decide if he was being truthful or what.

And Severide held his breath…

The chief nodded his head slowly, then turned and walked away.

Kelly let his breath out slowly.

He had made it over the first hurdle.

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But he felt like he was walking on a high wire. It was a balancing act…trying to control the pain by any means necessary, but every time he took one of Alyssa's meds he felt like he was taking the shirt right off her back or the food out of her mouth.

Every shift was like a test. The calls they were getting…really? He had to pull a postal worker out of a sink hole…it the frickin' middle of a Chicago street. Who ever heard of such a thing? What were the odds?

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But he just couldn't seem to catch a break…

They pulled up on a scene…an abandoned storefront with a rusty gate stretched across the entrance. It didn't look like anyone had been there in years and years.

He looked up…trying to make out the faded sign…upholstery. Meaning all kinds of potentially flammable materials.

"Hey!" Mills shouted. "Looks like someone's broke in!"

The candidate was pointing to a window well around the side of the building.

Severide hurried over to see what Mills had found…and sure enough, there was a pane of glass broken out of a window about three feet below the sidewalk.

It was too small for him to get through.

Then they heard a high-pitched shriek! It sounded like a child!

Kelly ran back to the front and pulled at the gate. It wasn't about to budge.

"Hadley!" he yelled. "Get me the K-12!"

Hadley grabbed the circular saw and Severide fired it up.

He began at the top, cutting the rusted iron slats as quickly as he could.

But it wasn't going fast enough for his taste.

His arm was screaming at him as he wielded the heavy piece of machinery.

After what seemed like an eternity, the gate was free. He cut the saw off and handed it off to one of the men.

He could hear the screams getting more and more frantic.

With a desperate yank, he pulled the gate away and slammed through the door.

"Fire Department!" he called out over the roar of the flames. Then he listened…

He followed the screams to his right. There was a door…which he made short work of.

The smoke was so thick he could barely see six inches in front of his face. God only knew what kind of materials were locked inside the ancient shop. And God only knew what kind of toxins they were giving off.

"Fire Department!" he called again. "Call out!"

He barely heard it…a pathetic little sound, somewhere between a squeak and a cough…coming from somewhere in front of him.

He almost tripped down the half dozen steps that led down to what he assumed had been some kind of storage room.

He listened again…the sound was getting weaker by the second. He got down as low as he could…and crawled forward…inch by agonizing inch.

Then he found her! A little girl…she couldn't have been more than five or six. He scooped her into his arms and ran out as fast as he could.

He handed the child off to the medics…and went back in.

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The next morning he wearily climbed the steps to his apartment.

The little girl weighed heavy on his mind…what the hell was she doing in that place? All by herself?

The upholstery shop was only one of about half a dozen calls he'd gone out on. As he slid his key into the lock he wondered if there was a full moon…the city had gone crazy.

But it was over…at least for forty-eight hours. For the next two days, he didn't have to leave the house…he could just lay in bed and hold Alyssa…and rest his aching shoulder.

He closed the door behind him and breathed a sigh of relief.

But not for long.

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It was quiet…too quiet.

"Lyssa?" he called.

He dropped his bag and headed toward their bedroom. It was after ten…he doubted she could still be asleep. He glanced over to the table. Her purse and keys were still there…

"Alyssa?"

The bedroom was empty…the bed rumpled…

The bathroom door was slightly ajar.

"Alyssa? Are you in there?"

He tried to open the door, but it bumped against something. So Kelly forced his way through the narrow opening.

Alyssa was lying on the floor.

"Lyssa!"

He leaned over her, checking for a pulse…he found one…but her skin was cool to his touch, almost clammy.

She moaned incoherently.

He hurriedly checked her for injuries…he couldn't find anything obvious.

"Alyssa! C'mon! Wake up, Baby…" he gently shook her.

"Kelly?" she murmured weakly.

"Baby, what's wrong?"

He couldn't help the edge of panic that crept into his voice.

"Headache…"

Her voice was almost inaudible.

Another one of her headaches…it had been a couple months since she had one…

"Let's get you outta here…"

He reached to help her up…but as he turned her over, she flopped like a ragdoll.

She'd never been this bad…

Kelly gathered her into his arms and lifted her off the floor.

As he carried her to their bedroom, he was disturbed when he realized that she had dropped weight again.

He laid her on the bed…and she immediately curled into a fetal position.

This was not good.

"Lyssa…did you take your medicine?"

In his mind he was doing some quick math…trying to remember how many pills he had taken and when she would have needed to refill the scripts.

"I threw it up…" she mumbled. "Couldn't keep it down…couldn't keep anything…"

That had to be why she was in the bathroom.

He just sat there…rubbing her back…and she began to tremble with quiet sobs.

She just lay there, crying…rocking herself back and forth.

And Kelly reached for his phone.

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He hurried to buzz Shay in.

And when she rounded the corner of the staircase she was greeted by a pale faced Kelly…uncharacteristically out of control.

"What's going on?" Leslie asked.

"She's in the bedroom…I came home and found her on the bathroom floor. She said it's another headache."

"Did you give her her meds?"

"She said she threw 'em up. She may have been in the bathroom all night for all I know."

Right away, a dozen different problems jumped to the paramedic's mind…

Shay entered the darkened room…and turned on the lamp beside the bed.

Alyssa made a guttural sound from the back of her throat.

And Kelly felt his heart clench in his chest.

"Shhh…it's okay…" Leslie whispered softly.

She smoothed Alyssa's hair back and studied her face.

Alyssa was still sobbing in pain…but no tears were coming out.

Leslie pinched the skin on Alyssa's hand…and watched it tent.

"We need to take her to the hospital, Kelly. Look at her skin turgor…she's dehydrated."

He ducked out of the bedroom and came back a moment later with the throw from the living room. He gently wrapped Alyssa in the blanket and lifted her into his arms once more.

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"Can't you drive any faster?" he snapped impatiently from the back seat of Shay's car.

Leslie glanced in the rear view mirror at her former roommate.

"Sorry…I left my lights and siren back at the station."

She pulled in the ER drive outside Lakeshore Hospital and Kelly got out of the car and carried Alyssa inside.

Leslie tossed her keys to a security guard she knew well.

"Randall? Can you move the car for me?"

The guard hurried around to the driver's side…

Pays to know people…

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Inside the ER, Hallie caught sight of Kelly carrying something wrapped in a blanket. She hurried over to her former fiancé's friend.

"Hallie…" he said. "You gotta help her…"

Hallie pointed to a cart against the wall.

Kelly laid Alyssa down gently…she barely made a sound. She was really out of it…

"What happened?" Hallie asked.

"I came home after shift and found her on the bathroom floor…"

Hallie pushed the long brown hair out of the way so she could see what she was dealing with.

"She said it was a headache…I've never seen her this bad before." Kelly told her.

Shay came up beside him.

"Hallie…she's dehydrated...no tears, dry membranes, poor skin turgor…"

Hallie called out to the charge nurse at the desk.

"I'm taking her in Trauma 1! Get some help in there!"

Hallie kicked the lock on the cart and together with Shay and Severide pulled it into the Trauma bay.

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"Leslie….get a BP!"

Shay grabbed the cuff and the stethoscope and tried to get a reading. She had to do it two times.

"Seventy over fifty…"

Nurses and residents came running in and Kelly backed into a corner.

"Kelly…what meds is she on?" Shay asked.

"MS Cotin…Toradol…Flexeril…and a Lidoderm patch. I don't know the doses though."

A nurse tied to stick Alyssa…and she cried out.

Kelly winced.

Another nurse cut Alyssa's shirt off and Leslie started placing the electrodes for the EKG.

"Jeez…her heart's racing!" she said as they got Alyssa on the monitor.

"Give me two large bore IV's…" Hallie called out.

"Her veins are collapsed…" one of the nurses said.

"Cut down tray!" Hallie ordered.

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The hours crawled by…

They managed to get the pain under control with a combination of Reglan, Dilaudid and Benadryl…and get some fluids into her…and Alyssa was sleeping.

Kelly sat beside her on a stool…holding her hand, resting his head against her shoulder.

He was completely consumed with guilt. He had been so focused on his own issues the past couple weeks, that he hadn't even thought about Alyssa…he hadn't even thought about what could happen to her as he was helping himself to her meds.

Leslie came in with a cup of coffee.

"Here…" she said.

"I don't want anything." He told her.

She set the cup out of the way.

"Are they gonna keep her?" He asked.

His voice sounded like it was coming from a faraway place.

"They'll see how she's doing when she wakes up. Her numbers are looking better." Shay told him.

"I should have been with her…she should have called me."

"Kelly…this has happened before. You can't beat yourself up…"

"The hell I can't!" he snapped. "And it's never been this bad before!"

"What's going on with you, Kelly?"

"Where the hell have you been, Shay? I came home to find my girlfriend passed out on the bathroom floor! What the hell do you think's goin' on?"

"It's more than Alyssa being sick…you've been biting everyone's head off for weeks…"

"You're talkin' outta your ass…" he spat at her.

Alyssa started to stir.

"Kelly?" she whispered.

He immediately turned his attention to her.

"I'm right here, Baby…"

"I wanna go home…can we go home?"

"I'll find out when I can take you…"

Leslie sighed.

"I'll go get Hallie…"

She slipped out of the room, then turned back to look at the couple.

Kelly was softly stroking Alyssa's hair back.

As she headed for the desk, she couldn't shake the feeling that something was very wrong. She just had no idea what it was.

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It was dark by the time they got back to their apartment.

Kelly kept one arm protectively around Alyssa's waist as she slowly climbed the stairs.

They'd been in the ER all day. Hallie had wanted to admit Alyssa and monitor her overnight, but Alyssa just wanted to go home and sleep in her own bed.

Leslie followed behind the couple.

She was still trying to decide what to make of her former roommate's positively foul mood.

Once he unlocked their front door, Kelly steered Lyssa toward the bedroom and tucked her in.

"Do you feel like you could eat something?" he asked.

She shook her head.

He tucked the blanket tighter around her and just sat at the edge of the bed for a minute.

Then he glanced up and saw Leslie hovering in the doorway.

She beckoned for him to come outside.

"I'm gonna make some tea for you…" he said.

He followed Leslie to the kitchen.

"Make sure she drinks plenty tonight…" she told him. "Little sips of clear liquids…Gatorade if you have any."

He nodded.

"They gave you the pills for if she gets nauseous again…"

Again, he nodded.

Hallie had told him all this…

"And make sure she adheres to her pain regimen for the next few days."

"I got it…I know the drill." He was getting a little impatient with the constant lecturing.

"I'm just trying to help, Kelly. You called me, remember?"

He softened a little.

"I know…I'm sorry. I'm just…on edge right now."

She sighed.

"Okay…I'll get out of your hair." She said as she headed for the front door. "But call me if you need anything. I don't care what time it is."

She turned to hug her friend.

"Thanks, Shay…" he told her.

He gave her one last hug and a little peck on the cheek before he sent her on her way.

She descended the stairs and turned around one last time.

Her eyes met his for a long moment before he closed and locked the door.

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He went back to the bedroom…the room was lit by the soft white moonlight coming through the blinds that didn't quite close all the way. Alyssa was curled up on her side and he listened for a minute to the rhythmic cycle of her breathing…and he realized she was asleep.

He quickly undressed and climbed into bed next to her. He moved as close to her as he could and pulled her against his chest. He softly stroked her long silky hair as he just listened to her breathe.

His mind was racing.

He'd never seen Alyssa this sick…not since she had been out of the hospital. And it scared the living crap out of him.

He didn't understand all the medical ins and outs, but he'd heard Shay and Hallie tossing around some big, ominous sounding words…like rhabdomyolysis…and hyponatremia. What he had gotten from that conversation was that she could have had some kind of heart problem…even a cardiac arrest.

He knew she had been trying to get by with less medication for the past month or two…but now he realized she was going to have to pay more attention to her health. And he would make sure she did.

And he made a resolve to stay out of her prescription bottles…her meds were off limits as far as he was concerned.

He'd just have to eat the pain…he didn't have a choice.

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He dragged his ass back to the house feeling like he'd never left.

Alyssa had still been out of it all day yesterday and all she wanted to do was sleep. But he kept waking her to drink some water or Gatorade or tea…and he practically had to force feed her a half a cup of soup and a slice of toast. And by then, he was getting less and less patient with her.

He was really torn about leaving her…but in a way, coming to the house was a relief. He'd been wound so tight the past two days he felt like he was ready to explode.

And of course, that realization made him feel even worse. What kind of guy would rather run into a burning building than be with his girlfriend when she was going through a rough time?

He walked into the common room to get a cup of coffee…and the whole team was there. And everyone was sitting in stunned silence.

"What now?" he asked…not sure if he could handle any more bad news.

Casey looked up.

"The little girl…the one from the upholstery shop…she didn't make it. She passed away this morning."

Severide swore under his breath.

She couldn't have been more than five or six…just a baby.

If he'd only been a minute or two faster…

"Did they figure out what she was doing in there?" he asked.

Casey shook his head.

"They don't even know who she is…she's Baby Jane Doe."

"Nobody reported her missing? How could a little kid be missing for three days and nobody notice?"

But he knew…he knew it happened all the time. For some people babies were nothing more than an unfortunate by-product of a wild Saturday night.

"It's all over the tube…" Hermann cut in. "Maybe somebody'll notice they're short a kid…"

As a father of five, he was just sick about it. They all were.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Later he lay on his bunk in his quarters…

His shoulder was acting up. His arm alternated between numbness and _really_ painful pins and needles…

He dug through his bag…and grabbed the bottle of ibuprophen. He dumped its contents on the bed…and picked out one of the Toradol he still had from Alyssa's script.

He held the pill in his hand.

What about all the shit he told himself about her pills being off limits?

But he had taken these over a week ago…before she got sick.

He just wouldn't take any _more_ from her…he'd make the ones he had last…

It was scary how easily he rationalized that.

Oh well…he thought as he swallowed the pill down. In for a nickel…in for a quarter.

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When he got home Alyssa was awake…and she had the TV on.

They were talking about the little girl.

Kelly dropped his things and walked into the living room. He leaned forward against the back of the couch.

But the segment was over.

Alyssa turned the TV off.

"What did they say?" he asked impatiently.

"They identified her…through a DNA profile. They got a familial match to some guy in County Jail. Her name was Amanda Foster."

"What about her mother?"

"She hasn't come forward…" Alyssa said with a sigh of regret.

Kelly hung his head.

At least she had a name.

"Kelly?" Lyssa asked.

She got up and came around the couch.

"What's wrong?"

He slowly raised his eyes to meet hers. She could see the pain…

"I was the one who pulled her out of that building." He said softly.

"Oh…Baby…" Alyssa whispered as she opened her arms to him.

He reached for her and pulled her close. He tangled his fingers in her long hair…and held on to her for dear life. He needed to feel something _real_…something he knew wasn't going away.

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The bells went off…

"Engine 51…Truck 81…Squad 3…Ambulance 61…"

And they were rolling out the door.

Office building…Severide thought as he jumped off the rig.

One of those fancy places with all kinds of highly varnished wood and people who were probably paid way too much for whatever services were offered there.

Outside was total chaos. People were screaming a dozen different names, running all over, trying to account for all their co-workers. It became obvious in about two seconds that they were coming up short.

Great…nothing like having your work cut out for you.

They organized the search teams and everybody got to work.

There were five floors, each with four suites…each suite had about a half dozen offices…

How many is that? …he wondered. Too damn many. They didn't have all frickin' day. That smoke was turning black in a hurry.

Just like always, they started at the top. He took a team to the east side; Casey took a team to the west.

"Meet you in the middle…" Casey told him.

They cleared the fifth floor…and the fourth…sending the occupants down the back stairs.

Three was where the fire was…started in an electrical closet. The flames licked hungrily over the varnished woodwork and the cheap Berber knockoff carpeting in the hall. The paint was blistering and crackling…they didn't have long.

They found two people down in one office…Capp took the woman…Hadley and Severide grabbed the guy.

He was heavier than he looked…tall and skinny…Kelly figured he was the proverbial 98 pound weakling…but the guy was solid as a rock…two hundred easy.

They hurriedly readjusted their grip and moved toward the door, when Kelly caught a flash out of the corner of his eye.

More like a human torch! A guy with his shirt ablaze came running out of a back office and down the hall!

Without a second thought, Kelly dropped the beanpole's legs and took off after the newest victim.

The guy was panicked…and he was fast!

"Stop!" Kelly ordered him…but the guy either didn't hear or didn't listen.

Severide put on an extra burst of speed and took the guy down in a flying tackle that would have done his high school football coach proud. He rolled him and slapped the flames out with his gloves…then scooped the victim up and threw him over his shoulder…and got the hell out.

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It was one in the morning…and Severide couldn't sleep.

The pain was just…_gnawing_ at him.

He was out of Toradol…and ibuprophen wasn't doin' jack shit. He might as well be eating candy.

He got out of bed and wandered toward the common room for a cup of coffee…

The silence was almost eerie…and Severide found himself straining to see beyond the shadows as he made his way to the Rescue Squad's sacred table in the apparatus room.

Don't be an idiot…he told himself. There's nothing out there…no such thing as ghosts.

There was no one there.

Looking over his shoulder to make sure that was really true, he set his coffee down and crept over to Ambulance 61.

His heart felt like it was about to burst right out of his chest…and the pounding sound echoed in his ears. He slowly…gingerly…hopefully…opened the back.

He climbed inside…and quickly found the drug box.

What the hell was he doing? He was about to commit a felony…that's what he was doing.

He thought of all the people he'd be letting down if he got caught…Shay…Casey…Chief…Andy...his dad…Alyssa.

But he firmly shoved all those thoughts out of his mind as he opened the box…and took out a vial of Morphine.

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If he thought he was treading on dangerous ground before…he was tiptoeing through a damn mine field now.

It was taking more medicine to control the pain…but he didn't dare take more than one vial at a time…and he was careful to stagger them out enough so as not to show a pattern.

It was wearing on him…he couldn't sleep…he could barely eat sometimes…his stomach was all twisted up in knots.

Nobody wanted to be around him…he was snapping at everyone at the house.

Mills was probably wishing he'd ever heard of the Rescue Squad…Severide had him under a microscope.

Gone were the days of helping him with his classes…sharing new articles in the trade journals…letting him try a new piece of equipment. Now nothing the candidate ever did was right.

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And he took more than a few rips at Mouch…for being overweight and out of shape.

So of course Casey had to get into it…

"All right, Severide. Enough. You run your crew…I'll run mine." He said tersely as he strode across the common room to go toe to toe with his counterpart.

"How long are you gonna keep taking up his slack?" Kelly demanded. "One guy who can't do his job puts the whole damn company at risk!"

Mouch jumped to his feet.

"Listen, I was a firefighter when you were barely out of diapers!" he said as he advanced on Severide.

"Well, maybe it's time to hang it up!"

"You snot-nosed little punk…" Mouch growled.

"Who out-ranks your fat ass!" Kelly drove his finger hard into Mouch's chest… "Firefighter…" then he pointed to himself. "Lieutenant! I could write you up for insubordination!"

"Did you get a new box of crayons?" Mouch sneered at him.

Severide reared back…like he was ready to take a swing at the most senior member of their house.

Suddenly half a dozen men jumped up to get between them.

What the hell had gotten into Severide?

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"Hey!"

Boden's voice echoed throughout the room.

The Chief strode purposefully toward the fray.

"What in the _hell_ is going on in here?" he demanded.

Everyone just glared at Severide.

"My office…NOW!"

Kelly turned on his heel and stalked off.

He was fuming…

Boden slammed the door shut as he entered his office.

"What is your damn problem, Severide?"

"I'm sick of his fat, lazy ass sittin' there stuffin' his Goddamn face the whole shift!"

"You are _way_ out of line, boy…"

"Am I? Well maybe if you were runnin' a tighter ship, I wouldn't have to point out the fucking obvious!"

Boden glared down at his Lieutenant.

"You are _out of line_…" he rumbled in his deep bass. "I might be old enough to be your father…but I can still drop you like a bad habit."

Severide scoffed.

"Go ahead and try."

"Get the hell out of my house."

The tension hung heavy in the air.

"Get out of my sight, Kelly…or you won't have a job to come back to."

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He stormed out of the fire station, jumped in his car, and roared down the street.

He had no fucking idea where he was going…

He didn't know what was wrong with him…but lately every little thing seemed to just get on his last nerve.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

He felt like shit.

His stomach was killing him…

Alyssa came into the bedroom just as another cramp seized him. He rolled onto his side, pulling his knees up, clutching his belly.

She hurried to his side.

"Honey…what's wrong?"

"My stomach…" he said through clenched teeth…

The cramp gripped him even harder…causing him to cry out in pain.

Alyssa laid a cool hand against his face…and with the other she gently rubbed his back.

Then she moved her hand down to his stomach…

"AAAHHH!" he cried out. "Don't touch it!"

He was frightening her. Her mind was racing through all the possibilities that could be causing him such extreme distress…and none of them were good.

"Kelly…I'm calling an ambulance."

"NO! No ambulance! No hospital!"

"Kelly…"

"No, Lyssa…please? Just…no…"

She curled her body around his…holding him as tight as she dared.

It was almost enough to make _her_ cry…

"How 'bout if I call Leslie?" she whispered.

"No…no…I just want you…please? Promise me? Just you?"

"Okay…"she whispered reluctantly. "Okay…whatever you want, Baby…"

She continued to hold him and to whisper soothingly in his ear. And he tried to breathe easy, and just let himself get carried away by the sound of her voice.

Finally, an idea came to her.

"I'll be right back…"

The loss of her touch caused him to start to panic…his breathing sped up and his heart pounded in his chest. And another cramp grabbed him.

Alyssa came back with a towel, still hot from the dryer. She folded it into a little pillow and pressed it against his stomach.

"Shhh…it's okay…" she whispered as she held the hot compress firmly against him. With her other hand she went back to rubbing his back.

The heat felt so good…as his muscles relaxed his breathing evened out and his heart rate came back down closer to normal.

"Better…" he said softly…"Thank-you…"

"You're gonna be okay…everything's gonna be all right…"

And he believed her. He had to.

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The invitation arrived in the mail.

Alyssa came up from the mailbox, flipping through bills, bills…junk…advertisement…bill…credit card application…

She set the pile on the dining room table and turned her attention to the oversized envelope.

Kelly came out of the bedroom…ready to go to the gym.

"Whatcha got?" he asked.

She opened the envelope and pulled out the printed invitation.

"It's an invitation to a wedding…" she said, a bit surprised.

"For who?"

He'd met a few of her friends…they hung out with them from time to time. But he didn't recall any of them being engaged or anything like that.

"A girl I went to high school with…Marjorie Kampanowski. We were in choir and swing choir together."

"You never mentioned her before."

"I haven't seen her since I went to my ten year class reunion…two years ago. I wonder how she even got my address…"

Kelly shrugged. It wasn't important.

He closed the distance between them.

He brought his hands up to her slender waist…and took her in his arms. He leaned down to kiss her.

"I'm gonna take off…I'll be back in a couple hours." He told her.

She smiled…and he felt his heart race. He considered scrapping his plans to work out and perusing some other physical activity…

"Okay…I've got a few things to do too…"

Guess he was going to the gym after all…

"All right…" he said reluctantly.

He pulled her close to him again, wrapping his strong arms around her body.

She felt so small to him lately…she couldn't keep any weight on since…well, _since_. She was always petite…but now she barely topped a hundred pounds. She couldn't eat the way she used to…her jaw still was a problem…and there were the headaches…and sometimes they made her sick to her stomach.

He hugged Alyssa tightly, and kissed her one last time.

"Let's go out for dinner tonight…" he said suddenly. "Anywhere you want."

She looked at him quizzically.

"What for?" she asked.

"'Cause it's the second Tuesday of the month? Just 'cause…" he answered. "Do I need an excuse to take my girlfriend out?"

She smiled at him again.

"No…I guess not…"

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He certainly could be full of surprises.

Alyssa didn't know what to make of him these days. He had been acting differently lately…kind of all over the place. Sometimes he was short with her…he just wanted to be left alone. Sometimes he was overly amorous…not that that was a bad thing.

Sometimes he could be…dare she say a little clingy? But that was when his shoulder was hurting worse than usual…or his stomach was bothering him, which had happened a few times. She was worried about him, because he refused to see a doctor. During those times he never wanted her out of arm's reach, he just wanted her to sit with him and rub his back, or his shoulder, whatever would ease his pain.

But sometimes the least little thing would send him flying into a rage. Those times could be scary.

One day she had gone to Target and stocked up on those little things like toothpaste and soap, etcetera and she had bought a couple bottles of ibuprophen. She had gone to put one in his bag that he carried to work and to the gym…so he'd have it in case his shoulder started acting up…

"What the hell are you doing?!"

He practically dove for his bag and yanked it out of her reach.

"Nothing! I just wanted to put this in!"

She held up the bottle if ibuprophen.

"So you'd have it if you needed it…"

He snatched it out of her hand.

"Well don't! Don't be goin' in my things!"

Alyssa stared at him…not understanding what was going on.

Why was he acting this way?

They stared at one another…fire blazing in his eyes…her lip trembling as she told herself over and over… 'Don't cry…don't cry…'.

And then he stormed out the door…leaving her to give in to the tears and wonder what was happening to the man she loved.

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He stopped at Jewel on his way home.

And bought a bouquet of red roses…

He had some serious making up to do.

"Lyssa!" he called.

But he was greeted by dead silence.

Remembering what had happened the last time he had come home to a quiet apartment, he dropped his gym bag and went looking.

This time the apartment was empty.

There was a note on their bed.

_Kelly,_

_I've gone to stay with Julie for a while…_

_I'll call you in a couple days._

_-A._

That was it…twenty words or less.

He dropped the flowers.

Dear God, what had he done?

He'd fucked up the best thing he had going in his life…that's what he had done.

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He couldn't stay in the apartment. It felt like the walls were closing in.

He got in his car and drove…he drove out of the city and kept right on going till the gas light came on. Then he pulled into a truck stop to fill his tank…grab a cup of coffee…and figure out where the hell he was.

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It was after ten when he stood outside his old apartment.

Leslie opened the door and what she saw was a mess.

She stepped aside to let him in…and he walked straight to the couch and collapsed. She walked to the fridge and got a beer, opened the bottle, then walked over to Kelly.

She held the bottle out…but he didn't seem to see it. She set it down on the coffee table and sat down across from him.

"Kelly?"

He drew in a ragged breath and sat forward, elbows balanced on his knees, holding his head in his hands.

"I fucked up, Shay…I mean…I _really_ fucked up."

Leslie didn't say anything.

"Alyssa's gone…I got all bent out of shape 'cause she was trying to put something in my gym bag…and I started yelling…and when I got back she was gone. She left a note…she went to her friend's place…"

Shay nodded…

"What if she doesn't come back, Shay?"

"What did the note say?"

"That she'd call me in a couple days…"

"Then you wait for her call." Leslie said.

"You want me to wait _a couple days?!_" he asked incredulously.

"I don't think you really have a choice." She stated matter-of-factly. "You've been…PMSsing…for lack of a better word, for weeks and weeks…Now you go and fly off the handle for a stupid little thing…why was she putting something in your bag?"

"She bought a bottle of ibuprophen…she wanted me to have it in case I needed it." He practically whispered as he hung his head in shame.

"So you bit her head off for doing something nice for you…something _a loving girlfriend_ would do for you…"

He looked up…tears swimming in his eyes…threatening to escape at any moment.

"You fucked up all right…you fucked up royally this time." Leslie said.

"What if I go over to her friend's place?"

"Then you'll probably lose her forever. You need to give her time…you hurt her…if you want a hope in hell of getting her back, you need to let her come to you when she's ready."

"But what if she doesn't come back? What do I do then?"

"I don't know, Kelly. What I do know is that Alyssa loves you. If she can forgive you for this…"

"If…that's the operative word here…if."

There was more than a hint of desperation in his voice.

"Yes, Kelly…if. But if she said she'll call, then she will. She's never gone back on a promise to you. So when she does, you better be ready to grovel like you've never groveled in your life."

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The next two days felt like two years.

He didn't eat, he didn't sleep…he didn't go to work…he wouldn't have been worth a damn anyway.

Finally…his phone rang.

"Lyssa…"

"Hey…"

Silence.

"Lyssa…I'm so sorry…I…"

"Can I come over?" she asked.

"Can you come over? God…yes! Please…please come home!"

"I'll be there in half an hour."

She hung up.

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He was pacing the floor when he heard her key in the lock…and he practically vaulted over the sofa to get to the door.

He stopped dead in his tracks when she entered the apartment.

Apparently he wasn't the only one who hadn't ate or slept in two days.

She set her purse down on the table and hung her jacket over one of the dining room chairs.

The couple stared at one another for a long minute…tears running down both their cheeks…

"Lyssa…" his voice trembled as he tried not to break down completely.

He slowly took a step toward her…she didn't move.

He took another step closer…then he laid his hands on her tiny shoulders and began to let them slip down her arms.

Tentatively…he brought her closer to him. She seemed so, _so_ small…like she might break apart at any moment.

Once she was in his arms, Alyssa couldn't hold back any longer. She laid her head against his chest and let the tears come.

Her body shook with sobs…and Kelly pulled her as close and held her as tight as he could.

And he let his own tears spill…there was nothing to gain by being proud…

"I'm sorry…" he whispered against her hair. "I love you so much…I'm so sorry…"


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

But things couldn't just go back to normal.

Alyssa came home…and Kelly was walking on eggshells. Her walking out had shaken him to his very core.

He'd only felt like that once before…like the bottom dropped out of his world…a long, long time ago.

That was the feeling he'd been running from ever since.

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But if things were in a state of suspended animation at home, they were sure heating up at the firehouse.

After the incident with Mouch everyone was on edge whenever he was around. If he walked into the common room, the conversations stopped…and everybody turned to stare at him. Then they'd deliberately turn back around and go back to what they were doing.

Really…it was getting old.

Even Capp and Hadley barely spoke to him…unless it was work related. Kelly kept telling himself that he could care less if they liked him…but it was a bad way to have to work.

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He was still throwing last minute stuff into his bag…he had to leave about ten minutes ago…or he was gonna be late for work.

But he and Alyssa had gotten a little carried away that morning…

At least that part of their relationship was back on track…

He looked up from his packing…she stood in the doorway, her hair tumbling over her shoulders, his t-shirt barely covering the essentials…

Stop it…he told himself…you're gonna be _really_ late…

"I'll try and call you tonight…" he said.

"I've got that wedding to go to, remember?"

No…he had actually forgotten.

"Oh…yeah…right…"

He zipped up his bag then threw the strap over his shoulder. He crossed the room in a few strides and leaned down to kiss her.

"I wish I wasn't on shift tonight…" he whispered to her.

"Me too…" she replied breathlessly.

"Have a good time tonight…"

"I'll try…I'll miss you…"

He kissed her once again…lingering just a few seconds longer than he really should…and then he reluctantly headed out the door.

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Alyssa walked up the steps of the Immaculate Heart of Mary Church…

She didn't know why she was so nervous…but she hadn't really seen any of her old friends since before…well, just before. She wasn't even sure if most of them knew about what had happened.

"Lyssa?"

She turned around to find herself enveloped in a huge hug.

Jonny DiNardo.

"Jonny! I didn't know you were coming in!"

"I wasn't sure myself till a couple days ago…" he said.

He stepped back and held her at arm's length…and took in the black lace sheath she wore…it covered most of the scars…except the one on her throat. But Alyssa had always been good with make-up. The ¾ sleeves hid the scar on her upper arm, and her bracelets camouflaged the one on her lower arm.

If he looked hard at her face, he could see the ones on her jaw…and on her cheek bones.

Jonny smiled at his best friend.

"You look beautiful…I mean it, Alyssa."

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"Truck 81…Ambulance 61…Squad 3…auto accident…"

What a mess…Kelly thought as they rolled up on the scene.

He hadn't seen an accident this bad since that ten car pile-up they'd had on the Edens Thanksgiving night.

Boden had already called for extra companies. This one required all hands on deck.

The firefighters started going car to car…trying to figure out where they were needed first.

"Severide!" Casey called. "We're gonna need you over here!"

Kelly ran over to a black T-bird that was crushed under the rear of a Tahoe…

It was a crying shame…that beautiful car…

Inside was a young couple…probably mid-twenties.

The girl was unresponsive…but the guy was awake and talking.

"Hang on, Buddy…" Severide told him. "We're gonna get you outta there."

He yanked on the door handle…nothing happened…not that he had expected it to.

"Hadley! Get the Jaws!" he hollered.

He turned back to the car. He tried to get a better idea of what they were dealing with.

"Get my girlfriend out…please…" the guy begged.

"You're both wedged in pretty tight." Kelly said. "But we'll have you out soon."

"She isn't talking…"

There was panic in the younger man's voice.

Kelly looked over to Casey, who had his hand on the girl's neck.

"She's unconscious…" Casey said. "But she's still alive."

Hadley arrived with the combination cutter/spreader and Severide snatched the tool and went to work.

If he caught the dirty look Hadley shot him, he didn't show it.

He got the door off…and found and even bigger mess inside.

The dash was collapsed in on top of the victims and the guy had the steering wheel pressing firmly against his chest.

This was gonna be a long night…

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"How bad is it?" the guy asked.

His voice was already a little breathier…he had to have some broken ribs…maybe even a collapsed lung.

"I've seen worse…" Kelly said. "Hey, what's your name, Buddy?"

This was going to be a prolonged extraction…he had to keep the guy as calm as possible.

Hadley had taken the Jaws around the other side of the car and he had the passenger door off.

"How's it lookin' over there, Hadley?" Severide asked.

" 'Bout the same as over there…"

Wonderful.

Shay came over to check on the victims…she struggled with the C-collar on the girl…then she checked her pupils…

"Kelly…you gotta work fast…" she said.

"What's wrong with her?" the guy asked frantically…expending more energy than he had… "What's happening?!"

"Hey…easy, man…" Kelly said. "We'll have you two out before you know it…now, what's your name?"

"Stephen…"

"Hey, Stephen…my name's Kelly…"

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After the mass, Jonny followed Alyssa to her apartment to drop off her car.

No sense in both of them paying for parking…

They rode together down town to the Knickerbocker for the reception.

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They had to cut the top off the car first so they could get some leverage…

All the while, Kelly tried to keep Stephen talking…listening for any changes in his breathing, his voice quality…

Once they had some room to maneuver, the medics got lines into both the victims and started the saline flowing.

"What's your girl's name, Stephen?" Severide asked as he tried to wedge the ram underneath the dash.

It was too tight…they were gonna have to cut through.

"Donna…" he answered.

"How long you been together?"

Keep the guy's mind off what was going on…

"Five years…"

"Wow…" Kelly said.

"I was gonna propose…I got the ring in my pocket…" Stephen said as he tried to get a deep breath in. "We were goin' back to the place we had our first date…"

"No kiddin'? Where's that?"

"Some little hole in the wall down by UIC." He said wistfully. "Are you married, Kelly?"

"Me? No…"

"You got a girl?"

Kelly wasn't sure how he got to be the one on the receiving end of the questions…

"Yeah…yeah I do." He answered.

"What's her name?" Stephen asked.

"Alyssa."

"Don't wait too long…"

Kelly looked up from what he was doing.

Was Stephen paler? He couldn't tell.

He had to work fast.

"Hey…you're gonna get to propose to Donna! Make sure you hang onto that ring!"

"I knew she was the one that first night…I was just too chicken to admit it…she almost didn't wait for me…we almost broke up last year…"

"But you didn't! You've still got plenty of time!"

Shay scooted over to check Stephen's vitals…

"Kelly…" she said.

"Workin' on it, Shay…" he replied tersely.

He turned back to his work.

"Listen, Stephen." He said. "You're gonna be fine…a couple months, and you'll both be back on your feet…"

"I wish I had your confidence…" Stephen whispered.

"Trust me…" Kelly told him.

And he found himself telling the guy his own life story.

"Trust me…my girlfriend got hurt last spring…she was in the hospital for a while…but she's fine now."

Well, more or less…

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Alyssa was breathless as she and Jonny came off the dance floor.

She hadn't had this much fun in a long time!

She and Jonny had always been paired together for swing choir…and she had played Maria to his Tony in _West Side Story_…and Sandy to his Danny in _Grease_…

They just knew what the other was going to do…they could always move so naturally together.

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Jonny threw his arm around her shoulders and placed a gentle kiss on her temple.

He had easily fallen back into his old role…flirting playfully with Alyssa…sometimes holding her a little closer than necessary when they danced…sometimes letting his hands fall a little below her waist…

Back in high school he thought they had everyone pretty well convinced that they were a couple. And he tried to feel something more than just friendship and gratitude to Alyssa. She was a beautiful girl…so sweet…so kind…so gentle.

But after what happened sophomore year, he didn't dare come out. And he tried to convince himself that he _could_ be happy with Lyssa…

But then he had gotten into a drama class at Truman…and the teacher had really pushed him and challenged him like he'd never been challenged before.

His last semester he'd played Charlie in _Flowers for Algernon_…and he decided to take the biggest risk of his life. He moved to LA.

He hadn't made it big yet…but he had his SAG card, his Equity card…and he'd had a few parts.

He'd done a production of _Cat on a Hot Tin Roof_ in a small playhouse in San Diego and he'd gotten great reviews for his role as Brick.

But most of all…he could finally be himself. He'd had a relationship with another struggling actor, Dane…but that had fallen apart around the time he got the part in "_Cat_…".

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But as soon as he stepped foot back in Chicago, he was that scared teenage boy again.

Seriously…they were thirty something's now…would any of them really give a damn if they knew he was gay? But the memory of those guys pounding the living shit out of him in the locker room and dumping his bloody body on the shower room floor stopped him from finding out.

They barely had time to catch their breath and have a drink when another song came on.

And Jonny grabbed Alyssa by the hand and led her out to the center of the floor. His arm circled around her slender waist and he pulled her close as everyone stepped back to give them room.

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Just a little more…just a little more and they'd have Stephen and Donna free.

Kelly was soaked with sweat underneath his turn-outs. He'd been working for over an hour and time was running out fast.

He and Hadley peeled back the dash and the paramedics from one ambulance crew got Donna onto a backboard and onto the stretcher while Shay and Dawson did the same with Stephen.

They started to move toward the ambulance when Stephen's eyes rolled back…and the most horrible sound came out of him. Kelly had only heard that sound once before…when he had been with that construction worker in a collapsed structure. The man's foot was pinned beneath a couple hundred pounds of concrete…and the trauma surgeon wasn't fast enough.

Everybody stopped.

Dawson checked for breath sounds…nothing…a pulse…nothing.

Shay shined her penlight into Stephen's eyes.

Nothing.

"What?" Kelly demanded.

Leslie shook her head.

"Do something! Intubate him…"

Kelly shoved forward to start chest compressions…

Shay put out her arm to block his way.

"He's gone."

"How? He was just talking a minute ago!"

"I'm sorry, Kelly…"

Dawson said into her radio…

"The driver's a DOA…"

Kelly turned and walked away.

He had more work to do.

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Alyssa opened the door to her apartment and Jonny followed her inside.

She turned on the lights and laid her purse on the table and folded her coat over the back of a chair.

"Here…Jonny, can you get this zipper?"

She turned her back to him and he carefully moved her long hair over her shoulder before he unzipped her dress.

"There you go…" he said.

"Thanks…" she replied. "I'm gonna change…make yourself comfortable."

She crossed the room to her bedroom as Jonny removed his jacket and tie, hanging them over another chair. He pulled his shirt tails out and headed toward the kitchen.

When Alyssa came out in a pair of boy shorts and one of Kelly's t-shirts Jonny was waiting with two beers. He held one out to her…and when she took it they clinked the bottles together in a silent toast.

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Kelly hit number one in his speed dial.

It went straight to voicemail.

"This is Alyssa…I can't take your call right now, but I'll get back to you just as soon as I can. You know what to do…"

Damn it…

"Baby, it's me. I…just…really wanted to hear your voice. I miss you…and I can't wait to get home."

He hit the button to end the call.

And he grabbed his shaving kit out of his locker.

Looking around to make sure he was alone, he went into a stall and locked the door.

He unzipped the bag and took out the hypodermic and the vial of morphine. He drew up a dose and flicked his finger against the cylinder…getting all the air bubbles out. Then he pulled up the sleeve of his t-shirt and slowly sank the needle deep into his right bicep.

He pressed the plunger…and waited.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Finally it was over…the shift from hell.

It had taken most of the night to sort out that car wreck. Ten people had been taken to the hospital, and one, Stephen, had been pronounced at the scene.

Leslie told him what had happened. Stephen had sustained a tear to his aorta and the steering wheel against his chest was keeping pressure on it. When they finally freed him from the wreckage, the guy bled out in a matter of seconds. There was nothing they could have done.

But that didn't make Severide feel any better.

One thing was for certain…he'd never been so happy to see his apartment. All he wanted was to hold Alyssa in his arms…he just needed to feel something _alive_. He needed to hear her heart beating. He needed to hear her breathing. He needed to hear her tell him that she loved him and everything would be okay.

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He opened his front door…and the first thing he saw was a man's suit jacket, dress shirt, tie and belt draped over the back of one on his dining room chairs.

He dropped his bag next to the pair of dress shoes on the floor…and stormed into his living room.

Alyssa was asleep on the couch, with the television on…and Jonny DiNardo's body was curled protectively around hers.

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"What the hell is going on here?!"

The sleeping pair woke with a start. Jonny scrambled up off the sofa, trying to orient himself in the strange place. He had had way too much to drink and things were still a bit fuzzy around the edges.

Now he saw that he was standing in Alyssa's apartment…wearing only his wife-beater and his suit pants.

Alyssa was dressed in a pair of skimpy shorts and a big t-shirt.

And Alyssa's boyfriend was standing there glowering…like he could snap Jonny in half with one quick motion.

"What the hell is going on here?!" Kelly demanded again.

"Nothing, Kelly!" Alyssa tried to placate him. "We were watching a movie…and we must have fallen asleep!"

The silence in the apartment was deafening.

Kelly was livid…he'd just spent a whole night peeling people out of crushed cars, only to have one die right in front of him. All he had wanted was to get home to Alyssa…to get out of his head and forget…and he found her in another man's arms.

Alyssa took a step toward him…maybe she could make him understand…

But he backed away.

It was like she just kicked him in the balls.

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Jonny cleared his throat nervously.

That snapped Kelly back to attention.

"Get outta my house…" he said in a low, threatening tone.

"We didn't…do…anything…" Jonny stammered.

But Kelly was beyond that. He took a step toward his new nemesis…like he was ready to toss him out the nearest window.

"Kelly…stop…" Alyssa told him.

"Get the hell outta my house!" He roared as he took another step toward Jonny.

Jonny didn't need any prompting. It was like he was sixteen all over again…and Kelly was every jock that used to push him around…he grabbed his stuff and ran out the door.

The sound of the slamming door reverberated through the apartment.

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They had little skirmishes all day long…Kelly only saw what he wanted to see…and Alyssa was getting frustrated with him.

"C'mon!...Don't tell me you never fell asleep with Leslie watching TV!"

"It's different!"

"How can it possibly be any different? Leslie's your best friend…you lived with her for…years! I've known Jonny since we were in diapers, for Christ's sake! How can you think…"

"It just _is_, okay?" he cut her off. "And I never "pretended" to be going out with Shay!"

He started to stalk off to another part of the house…then he turned to her.

"Did you ever sleep with him? Ever?"

Alyssa's eyes went wide, like he had just slapped her.

"You did, didn't you?" he said.

"Once…we were sixteen…he was my first." She admitted.

"Unbelievable…"

He turned away again.

"Aren't you being a little hypocritical? We've both had other relationships…" Alyssa said.

"I haven't so much as _looked_ at another girl since I met you!"

Well…maybe he _looked_…but he never _touched_…

"Kelly…after everything we've been through together…I don't see how you could possibly think I would cheat on you!"

"I saw it with my own eyes! That's how! And it's not like you've been putting a whole lot into this relationship…I turned my whole life upside down for you! And this is how you repay me?"

The angry words hung, charged in the air…

He had just gone too far…and he knew it.

But he couldn't take it back.

Now Alyssa really looked at him like he _had_ slapped her. She ran past him, to the bedroom and slammed the door.

He heard the lock click…and he grabbed his jacket and walked out of the apartment.

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He ended up in some dive bar he hadn't been to in over a year…not since before he had met her.

As he pounded down shot after shot, followed by beer chaser after beer chaser…he replayed everything in his mind. In the logical place…he knew Alyssa hadn't cheated on him…and that her relationship with Jonny DiNardo probably wasn't any different from his relationship with Leslie…but that logical place seemed very far away tonight.

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He kept thinking about that guy…Stephen…how he'd been about to propose to his girlfriend after five years…he had the ring right there in his pocket.

Now when Donna woke up she was going to find out he was gone. Would she ever know? How much he loved her? Would she ever know how close she came?

He'd come close…once…no, now it was twice.

He'd been in his mid-twenties when he met Renee…her brother Eric was a classmate from the Academy…and they were great friends. Both confident…fearless…invincible.

Okay…cocky.

When Eric had introduced Kelly to his kid sister, he was immediately taken. She was pretty, fun…a little wild…and he'd fallen head over heels.

They had dated about a year and it was the happiest year of his life. He couldn't imagine that he'd ever want or need anything else for the rest of his life. So he asked Renee to marry him.

They were planning a big church wedding. Andy was going to be his best man…Eric was going to stand up, Casey…a bunch of guys from the Academy…

Then it all came to a screeching halt three days before the ceremony.

Renee had been acting strange…and it scared the crap out of him. What could be wrong? It seemed like more than just pre-wedding jitters…

Man, was it. He took her to their favorite spot by the lake…the one with the view she loved. And he asked her what was wrong…

Nothing could have prepared him for her answer. That the night of her bachelorette party she had met one of her ex-boyfriends at a club…it was a guy Kelly knew…another firefighter. And they had hooked up in the restroom…and in his car…and at his apartment…

She tried to explain it away…that it _was_ pre-wedding jitters…that she was sorry…that she loved him…that it would never happen again.

He called off the wedding. Renee had begged him to reconsider…but he couldn't see past the hurt…the shame…the sense of betrayal.

So Renee had gone out and gotten drunk, and wrapped her car around a telephone pole. She nearly died. She spent three months in a coma. Her family thought _he_ had dumped _her_…that _he_ had been the one to get cold feet…that _he_ was the coward. And Kelly had let them think that. As hurt as he was, he couldn't bring himself to add to their pain by telling what she had done.

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Alyssa couldn't believe how things had gotten so horribly out of hand.

What had happened with Kelly? How could he say she wasn't committed to their relationship? For months now she felt like they were living in a pressure cooker. She didn't know what his mood was going to be from one minute to the next.

She didn't know if it was the job…or his shoulder…or if it had anything to do with her injury…was it something she had done? A combination of all of the above?

All she knew was that she loved him. And whatever was going on, that love had to be enough to carry them through to the other side. There would never be anyone else like Kelly…and she wasn't going down without a fight.

She reached for her phone.

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He sent the call straight to voicemail. The same as he had with the other three calls from Alyssa.

The more he drank…the more he hated. Himself.

Alyssa hadn't cheated on him…she loved him…and she'd probably continue to love him. She had made him come alive again…after years of living like an empty shell. Renee had hurt him so badly, that he never wanted to feel that again. So he never let himself feel anything…anything beyond the physical pleasure.

It was sad that he got more emotional over a Bears game than he did over making love.

But it wasn't making love…at least not before.

His phone rang again.

This time he turned it off all together.

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Casey drove up and down the streets…looking for Severide's beat up old car.

He hadn't been to so many bars in one night since his last St. Patrick's Day pub crawl…

Alyssa had called him in a panic. She and Kelly had had a fight and he just took off. She had been trying to reach him for hours and his phone just kept going straight to voicemail.

So Casey told her he'd find him.

And when he did, he'd smack him upside the head.

Kelly was off lately…way off. He had been snapping at everyone…every little mistake Mills made, Severide was all over him like white on rice. And the incident with Mouch had been just one of a dozen blow-ups at the house.

And he was taking all kinds of unnecessary chances. Two in…two out…they had had that drummed into their heads since the first day at the Academy. But lately Severide thought he was John Wayne…taking off by himself, not waiting for back-up…pushing the limits.

Just last week Casey had almost laid him out for ignoring the alarm on his SCBA. He kept right on going…even though he was running out of air. And two in…two out…he was putting another man at risk.

He pulled over to the curb and got out of his truck. He was in front of a place called the Wishing Well. He'd been there once or twice before…and he couldn't imagine anyone would actually wish for anything that went into or came out of that place.

He looked around the neon lit bar room…Good God, what a dump. Clearly, the health inspector had written this place off as a lost cause…and from the looks of things the fire marshal had too.

He'd be making a call first thing in the morning...

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But he found what he was looking for.

There was Severide…leaning over the bar with a line of dead soldiers in front of him…struggling to carry on a conversation with a platinum blonde who was batting her eyes at him like she had some kind of nervous condition.

The word "skank" didn't even begin to cover it.

Casey shuddered with disgust…then squared his shoulders and marched across the bar room floor.

He grabbed Kelly by the arm and yanked him off his stool.

"C'mon Severide…time to go."

"What the fuck? What the fuck are you doing here?"

God…he smelled like a brewery. Casey actually had to take a step back.

Remind me to keep him away from any open flames…Casey thought to himself.

"It's time to go, Kelly…"

"I'm kinda busy here…'case you didn't notice…" Kelly slurred.

"No…you're done, Buddy."

"I said…I'm busy! Me 'n….what's 'er name…were just gonna go…"

"So I'm saving you from needing a tetanus shot. Now, let's go!"

"LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!"

Severide reared back and let his fist fly. And he missed by a mile.

He staggered forward, almost falling face first in the filthy floor.

Casey just shook his head as he caught his friend…and did the only thing he could think of to do.

He cold-cocked him…and threw him over his shoulder.

He wasn't a fireman for nothing…

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"Kelly? Kelly…wake up, Baby."

He had to be dreaming…

But he felt something cool and soft against his cheek.

"Kelly?"

It was the sweetest sound he'd ever heard.

He forced one eye open…then the other. He pushed himself up…at least he tried to.

He collapsed with a groan as his arms wouldn't support him.

"C'mon Kelly…it's okay…you're okay…" Alyssa whispered softly.

No he wasn't…not by a long shot.

He gathered his strength and pushed himself up once more…this time he made it.

Oh…bad…oh…bad…bad...bad.

The room swam in front of his eyes as he struggled to bring everything into focus. His mouth tasted like the bottom of a bird cage…and the light pouring in through the windows sent a searing pain through his already pounding head.

Where the hell was he? And why was Alyssa there beside him?

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Just then Casey came into the room.

That's where he was…Casey's living room.

But how did he get there? And why did his jaw hurt?

Kelly just stared blankly…wondering if he was going to get any answers.

Casey handed Alyssa something wrapped in a towel. She took it…then gently pressed it against the left side of Kelly's face.

He hissed in pain and jerked away…

"Ow!"

"Shhh…it's okay…it's just an ice pack…" Alyssa whispered soothingly.

She softly laid the ice on his cheek again…and he slumped back against the couch.

He closed his eyes…little bits and pieces were coming back to him…the call out to the car accident…Alyssa…Jonny DiNardo…the fight…going out.

Unfortunately, things got a little foggy after that.

He reached up and pushed the ice away from his face.

"What happened?"

He turned to Alyssa.

"And what are you doin' here?"

"You don't remember?" Casey asked.

Kelly shook his head.

"Good. It's better that way."

"Let's get you home…okay?" Alyssa said softly.

She went to put the ice back against his jaw, but he pushed her hand away.

"Stop it!" he said. "Stop being so nice to me!"

Tears swam in her eyes at his harsh words.

"You have no idea what I did…"

She almost didn't hear his words…he said them so softly, so shamefully.

Alyssa drew a deep breath to pull herself back together.

"I don't care, Kelly. All I want right now is to get you home. Whatever it is…we'll sort it out together. Okay?"

She gently put her hands up to his face…forcing him to look her in the eyes.

"Okay?" she whispered.

All the fight went out of him. He blinked his eyes as he tried to focus…and felt hot tears run down his face.

He nodded in defeat.

Alyssa put the ice back to his aching jaw.

"Keep this on your face…" she told him gently.

He nodded again…and brought his hand up to take the cold pack.

She helped him slowly off the couch…and held him steady till the room stopped spinning. Then she carefully brought his right arm up around her shoulders…and Kelly leaned heavily on her as they made their way to the door.

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Neither of them said a word as Alyssa drove back to their apartment.

She parked on their street, a few doors down from their building, and came around the passenger side. She opened the door…and waited.

He didn't move.

Yesterday, he couldn't wait to get home…today it was the last place on God's green earth he wanted to be.

Casey should have just left him wherever the hell he had found him.

Alyssa reached for his hand.

"C'mon, Baby…" she said. "Let's go upstairs…"

Slowly, he climbed out of the car. He stood by the curb for a few seconds to get his bearings.

"Are you okay?" Alyssa asked.

"Not really…"

She reached out to him again. But he pulled away.

"I can walk…" he muttered.

"I'm sorry…" she whispered.

He had hurt her again…and the very thought hurt_ him_.

He staggered up onto the curb, nearly falling on his face...and this time _he_ reached out to _her_.

"Help me…" he said. "Please?"

She wiped the tears from her eyes…and carefully slipped her arms around him.

He draped his arm around her shoulders again...and leaned on her. And slowly, they made their way up to their apartment.

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Once they were inside she helped him slip his jacket off and then led him to their bedroom.

He collapsed onto the perfectly made bed…and he wondered if it had even been slept in the night before.

Alyssa came back into the room with the throw from the living room and covered him up. Then she left the room again, this time returning with a glass of ginger ale and a bottle of aspirin. After he had swallowed the medicine down, she asked.

"Do you want me to stay? Or would you rather be alone?"

That was a tough question.

Did he want Alyssa to stay and comfort him? God knew he didn't deserve it.

Or did he want her to go and leave him alone to wallow in his own self-pity?

"Stay? Please don't leave me…"

Alyssa looked deep into his eyes. Then she stood up.

For a second Kelly started to panic. What if she had seen something in him that wasn't worth saving?

But she circled the bed to the other side and climbed up onto it.

She slowly lay down beside him…and he hesitantly inched his way closer to her, until at last they were in each other's arms.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Slowly the whole story tumbled out…bit by bit…every sordid little detail.

He told her everything. How after the rescue of the tree trimmer in the park the pain had gotten worse and worse, and about stealing her pain meds. Then after she got so sick he felt so guilty…like in a way he had caused it.

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He told her about the upholstery shop…and the little girl, Amanda. How he had tried to get to her, all the obstacles in the way. Usually calls didn't stick with him…but this one did. Maybe 'cause the story just kept getting more and more tragic as time went on.

Kelly had since learned that the girl's father was in jail on a drug charge…and her mother was a junkie and a whore. Amanda had been in a foster home…and not a good one…one of those where the people were in it for the money, rather than for any altruistic intentions. Apparently, Amanda had "lived" in the basement of that old upholstery shop with her mother, before she got taken away. So every day she had gone back to wait for her mother to come for her.

At first, no one had even come forward to claim her…until some church group had stepped up and saved her from being buried in a pauper's grave.

That had really gnawed at him…that and the pain. In his haste to get into the building he had thrown his shoulder against the door…and just made things worse.

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Then came the hardest part.

He told her about the morphine…and what he had been doing to get it.

They both broke down at that point…

Alyssa couldn't believe she hadn't figured it out…suddenly everything that had happened in the past couple months was crystal clear. The mood swings…the stomach troubles…the secrecy…the guilt.

But she just held him tighter…

"We're gonna get through this, Baby…" she told him. "I'm not going anywhere…"

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The next morning he showed up at the firehouse.

He and Alyssa had talked…and cried…all day long and he felt completely wrung out, but in a strange way, lighter and freer than he had in a long time.

Shay was waiting for him…he had called her and asked her to meet him before shift.

Kelly squared his shoulders and went to face the music.

She had a dark look on her face.

"We need to talk…" she said.

"Yeah…we do."

They walked around the side of the house…so no would hear their conversation.

Leslie turned to him.

"Kelly…there's morphine missing from the ambo. Dawson and I were reconciling the log sheets…and it doesn't match up."

He looked all around him…anywhere but at her. He couldn't bring himself to look her in the eye.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about." He told her, his voice full of shame. "It was me."

Shay staggered back a step and leaned against the bricks of the firehouse…so she wouldn't fall down.

"God…Kelly…how…why?"

She couldn't formulate a coherent thought.

"You really need to ask? My neck…my shoulder…the past couple months…"

"Why the hell didn't you say something?!" she shouted in desperation. "Why didn't you just tell me?!"

"And what could you have done? This was all on me…I started stealing Alyssa's meds…then she got so sick that one time…and everything just went all to hell."

God…he didn't think he could get any lower…

"So what're you gonna do now?" she asked. "What about Alyssa?"

"She knows…she knows everything. She said she's not going anywhere."

At least he had that to be thankful for.

"And I'm gonna stop…with the morphine…all of it. Cold turkey."

"And what about your neck?"

"I don't know…I'm scared, Shay. I don't know how much longer I can keep goin'…but…I just don't know."

Then Leslie dropped a bomb on him.

"Kelly…Boden knows…about the missing drugs, anyway. One of the medics on third watch caught the error in the logs."

Severide though his heart stopped for a minute…

If this traced back to him, he didn't need to worry about going on long term disability. He'd be going to jail.

"He gave me and Dawson till the end of shift to come up with an explanation."

He breathed a sigh of relief.

"So…what are _you_ gonna do?" he asked.

"I'm sure I can think of something…" she said. "But you need help Kelly…you need get back to the doctor, and figure out what you're up against. 'Cause if you don't do something…you're gonna end up right back here again. And I won't cover for you."

He knew she was right. He nodded his head.

He was going down that road…

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He made an appointment with the surgeon he had seen before. Leslie stayed with him while he made the call. He set it up for after shift…

Then he called Alyssa.

And then there was only one person left to tell.

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"Chief? Can I talk to you?"

"Come on in."

Kelly stepped into the office and closed the door behind him. He stood there, hands stuffed deep in pockets…feeling like a little kid in the principal's office.

"What's on your mind, Kelly?"

Severide took a deep breath and let it out slowly…

"Chief? You remember that call out to Lincoln Park? The tree trimmer?"

Boden nodded…and already he didn't like where this conversation was going.

"Remember how I told you I hurt my arm at the gym?"

"What about it?"

"Well…it's actually something that's been going on for a while…"

"Just…come out with it." Boden said.

This was harder than he thought it was gonna be. Kelly felt like he was letting everyone who had ever given a damn about him down.

"It's not my arm that's hurt…it's actually my neck. I've…got a fractured C5 vertebra…and that's what's been causing all the problems."

"How long has this been going on?" Boden asked.

"You don't want to know…it's been a while." He admitted.

Boden sat in stunned silence.

He knew Kelly had been going through something…he had suspected he might be injured…but he had no idea it was so serious.

And his first instinct was to take care of his men…all of them.

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He took a deep breath.

"Okay…here's what we're gonna do. First…you need to get checked out…"

"I've already got an appointment…for tomorrow…after shift."

"I want _our_ people to check it out…see what the options might be."

"That's fine…but Chief? Till that happens…I wanna stay on duty...on Squad…go out on calls…I've been dealing with it this long…"

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Kelly stormed out of Station 51…

Leslie caught up with him as he yanked open his car door.

"Kelly…what happened? What did Boden say?"

He tossed his bag across the front seat. Then he looked at Shay.

He looked like somebody'd punched him in the gut.

"I'm on medical furlough…till further notice."


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

Less than 24 hours into his medical furlough and Kelly was ready to climb the walls…

If he had to be out of commission for a year…or worse, had to go on long term disability…he'd surly lose his mind.

Alyssa had to bear the brunt of all his uncertainty and frustration. She tried to be patient and supportive…and keep a positive outlook. And now that she knew the reason for his unpredictable mood swings it was easier…but by the time his appointment rolled around, she was just as on edge as he was.

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As they waited in Dr Brenner's office, Kelly was so nervous he was actually shaking. Alyssa moved closer to his side and took his hand in hers. She gently rubbed circles across the back of it with the pad of her thumb. Normally her touch would be very soothing to him…today it had no effect whatsoever.

The doctor came in with his latest set of x-rays. As she clipped the pictures to the light box, Kelly sat forward.

"Kelly, I don't how you've managed to function." Dr. Brenner told him.

"Why?" he asked.

In response she clipped up another x-ray right beside the first. It was one taken back when he had first consulted with her.

She pointed with her pen to his C5 vertebra.

"If you compare the two…you can see that the degree of displacement is significantly increased here." She said as she outlined the area on the latest x-ray. "Honestly, you shouldn't even be walking around, let alone continuing to work."

Just hearing her words made Kelly feel a little bit sick to his stomach.

This was it…he thought. The end of his career. The end to all he had ever wanted to do for as long as he could remember.

He crushed Lyssa's hand in his.

"So…what kind of options do I have?" he asked.

"I recommend you have surgery…without it, your condition will only continue to deteriorate." Dr. Brenner said.

"And what would that entail?" Alyssa asked.

She'd gotten to be pretty savvy at dealing with doctors…

Kelly looked nervously from the doctor to the x-rays…to Alyssa as Dr. Brenner began to explain the procedure.

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"It would actually be a two stage procedure…the first would be a posterior approach. Through an incision in the back of your neck we would relieve the pressure on your spinal cord and repair the fracture. We would stabilize your neck with steel cage implants…and then you would be moved to ICU for about 48 hours of constant neuromonitoring.

"The second stage would be an anterior approach. A general surgeon would gain exposure through the front of your neck…then we would further fuse the vertebrae to stabilize your neck."

Kelly only had one question.

"Will I still be able to return to duty? Will I still be able to be a firefighter?"

The doctor looked at him with regret in her eyes.

"I'm going to be honest with you Kelly. You being able to go back to work in your current capacity would be nothing short of a miracle. The procedure should alleviate most of the pain…but you'll have a lot of hardware…you'll certainly lose some range of motion in your neck. I would advise you to consider some type of administrative position…"

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They left the doctor's office both feeling shell shocked.

Alyssa had had no idea that it was this bad…and she could see the devastation in Kelly's eyes.

She didn't have a clue how to help him.

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Kelly decided to just go about his normal routine…even though the doctor had told him to stay out of the gym…he went anyway. He had to clear his mind for a while.

He knew he'd have to go talk to Boden…tell him what had happened with the surgeon. And he needed to figure out what he was going to do. Should he have the surgery now? And just take his pension from the department? Should he wait?

How would he and Alyssa manage? She was still on disability from _her_ injuries. She had the pain issues to deal with…and she couldn't keep her weight up. She'd lost about twenty five percent of the function in her right arm and she couldn't go back to work like that.

She had talked about maybe going back to school…finishing her bachelor's degree…but she hadn't made any decisions. And what could he do? Would he be able to work on boats again? Should he think about going to college? He'd always hated school…he doubted he'd be able to go back into a classroom for anything other than his continuing education for the department. And what would be the point of that? Especially if he took the long term disability.

It was all too much to think about.

Just concentrate on getting a good workout…he told himself. He could figure out all the other shit some other time.

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When he got home Alyssa was on the computer. She got up from the dining room table where she was working and came to hug him.

He held her tight…

When he finally let go she looked up into his eyes.

"You okay?" she asked.

"Yeah…" he said. "All things considered…"

She took his hand.

"I want to show you something…"

She went back to her seat…and he pulled up a chair next to her.

"I found this article on line…" she said. "This doctor at Lake Forest Hospital is doing this new minimally invasive procedure. They've been doing it on the lumbar vertebrae for a while…and now this guy is adapting the technique to use on the cervical spine. It says he's gotten good results so far…and the recovery time is just a few months as opposed to a year or more."

Kelly's eyes widened. This sounded too good to be true.

"I called the office…and I explained your situation. The doctor can see you tomorrow… if you'd be interested. He seemed really eager to meet with you."

"Sure…" he said, just a little stunned.

What did he have to lose?

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The next day they drove all the way out to Lake Forest. As Kelly parked outside the doctor's office he thought how they should have brought Alyssa's car. His beat up old clunker looked so out of place amongst all the Cadillac's and Lexus's and BMW's.

Oh well…that didn't matter.

It was time to go see the 'miracle worker'.

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Dr. Markowitz seemed nice enough…he was about in his late forties, early fifties. And his office looked like a trophy room…he had degrees from Harvard and certificates declaring him to be a member of all kinds of different important sounding organizations…like the American College of Surgeons…board certified in neuro-spinal surgery…and a bunch of other stuff Kelly couldn't even pronounce.

Alyssa handed him the CD with all the images on it…she'd thought to ask for it at their appointment yesterday. And as he studied it carefully he asked questions.

"How did you get injured, Lieutenant?"

"It's just Kelly…" he said. "And I got hurt at work. It was a house fire…there was a back draft. I hit the deck and my O2 tank hit me in the back of the neck. Everything went numb for a minute…then I got up again."

"And what treatments have you tried, if any?"

"Just been trying to control the pain…it's always there…but sometimes it gets really, really…excruciating. The only thing that really works anymore is narcotics."

"I'd imagine so…" Dr. Markowitz said. "This is quite an extensive injury. And with your line of work…but I think I can help you."

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He went on to explain what he could do…

"I would actually employ a couple different techniques in your case. The procedure I've been doing is mostly for patients with herniated discs…which doesn't apply here. You do have a lot of swelling and inflammation…so I would use the same minimally invasive technique to decompress the spinal cord. But what I'd like to do for the fracture is a bit like arthroscopic surgery.

"I would roguer or debride out the fracture in your vertebra. Think of it like cutting out the bruised part of an apple. Once we have a clean site…I can take chips of bone from the adjacent vertebrae…morcelize it…and mix it with your own bone marrow. Then I'll take that mixture, and fill in the fracture. You'll have to wear a hard collar for three to four weeks…then you can begin rehab."

"And how long would that take?" Kelly asked.

"Six to eight weeks would be a conservative estimate. You're in excellent physical condition…"

"Why didn't my other surgeon even mention this? She was talking two operations, then like…a year of rehab."

Dr. Markowitz grinned.

"This is still an experimental procedure, Kelly. I guarantee…your HMO would never approve it. What Dr. Brenner was proposing to do is a tried technique…and she's an excellent surgeon. If you would decide to go with her, you'd be in very capable hands. I've done less than a hundred of these procedures…and never one in these exact circumstances. But the results I have seen have been excellent. Approximately seventy-five percent of the patients have had favorable results."

"Well, let's do it." Kelly said. "Where do I sign?"

"Hold on…I said seventy-five percent have had favorable results. There are still considerable risks to take into account. Twenty-five percent of the patients had less than complete relief…they've continued to experience radiculopathy… pain and tingling in their extremities… some patients have suffered partial paralysis, particularly in the upper limbs. Some have experienced loss of strength and mobility in their arms and shoulders. And again…I've never had a patient with exactly your type of injury. You need to think this through very carefully."

"And what's happened with that other twenty-five percent?" Alyssa asked. "Was there a need for further surgery? What's the prognosis for them?"

"Of that twenty-five percent…approximately half have gone on to have further surgery…in the more conventional manner." The doctor told her. "Two patients have even required the procedure Dr. Brenner described to you."

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Kelly stormed out to the car.

He had thought this was gonna be the end all and be all cure…he knew it sounded too good to be true.

"Kelly!" Alyssa called after him. "Wait…"

He stopped.

"Partial paralysis? More surgery? I could go through all this, and still have to have that other operation? The other _two_ operations?"

"It's experimental surgery, Kelly. If you think the risks are too high, then we won't do it. We'll figure something else."

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He wasn't going to do it, he decided.

Partial paralysis…possibly more surgery…continued pain…

No, he'd just take his pension…and call it a day.

Maybe he and Alyssa could leave Chicago…go someplace warm…maybe somewhere near the water.

He told her all this…and she had looked at him with sad eyes.

"What?" he said. "You said it was my decision…and you'd go along with it."

"It is…and I will."

She gently laid her hands on the sides of his face…so he had to look in her eyes.

"When I woke up in the hospital…you told you weren't going anywhere. Well, neither am I. I'm in this for the long haul, Kelly. But I want you to be okay with your decision…and I think right now, you're scared."

"Yeah…you're damn right I'm scared."

"I think you should talk to somebody…Leslie…the Chief…somebody that can help you figure out all the options."

She was right…and he knew it.

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Leslie wanted him to have the surgery…she read the article that Alyssa had found…and she thought it was his best option.

Boden thought it was a good idea too…but he wanted Kelly to have options with the department. He talked about moving over to Arson Investigation…like his dad had done. Or a teaching position at the Academy. But ultimately it was Kelly's decision…and he'd support whatever that was.

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Kelly left the station and got in his car.

Arson? He didn't think he had the patience…hell, he knew he didn't have the patience.

Teaching? That was a laugh…it was one thing to work with the candidates at the firehouse…but to teach a class? No, thank-you.

Besides…how could he watch guys doing what he no longer could?

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There was one more person he needed to talk to…someone who knew what it was like to have it all…and have to walk away.

He drove along the winding road to the camp site.

What kind of idiot goes camping in the winter?

His father…that's who.

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He finally found it.

As he got out of the car he could hear Benny holding court with a bunch of old guys…regaling them with his war stories.

He was telling them his "Warm and Dead" story…

"You still tellin' that story, Pop?"

"Kelly? What are you doing all the way out here?"

"I could ask you the same question…"

Benny stood up and crossed the camp site to hug his son.

"Now…what are you doing here?" he asked again.

"Besides freezin' my ass off? I need to talk to you, Dad…"

They walked for a little while…

"What's on your mind, Kelly?"

Kelly shoved his hands deep into his pockets…and looked out over the horizon…

"I decided to leave the CFD."

"What? Why would you do a stupid thing like that?" His dad asked incredulously.

"I don't _want_ to…but I got injured…and there's this surgery…and I don't know. I don't know if it's worth it. There's a twenty-five percent chance it won't work…"

"But there's a seventy-five percent chance it will? I'd say those are pretty good odds."

Kelly looked at his dad…

"Look…Kelly…" Benny said with a sigh. "I realize I'm prob'ly not in the best position to give life advice. I know I haven't been there for you the way I should…but I'm guessing you drove all the way out to the middle of nowhere so I could talk you out of this crazy idea."

"It's not that crazy…I'll get seventy-five percent pay for the rest of my life…and I can still do something else…"

"There is nothing else!" Benny told him. "There's no replacing Rescue Squad…only the best of the best ever get there…and once you give that up…there's nothing in the world that can fill that void."

He laid his hand on his son's shoulder.

"You know why I tell all those old stories? Because that's all I've got left. If there's a chance this surgery could let you stay on Squad…then it's worth the risk."

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It was after dark by the time he finally got back to the city.

He opened his front door and Alyssa came flying in from the living room.

She threw her arms around him…and hugged him tight. And he wrapped his around her and just took in the warmth of her.

He'd been so cold all day long…

"Where did you go? I tried to call you…"

"My phone was out of range…I went to see my dad. "Remote" doesn't even begin to cover it…"

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The days before the surgery flew by…and then it seemed like time stood still.

He went through all the pre-op stuff…the blood tests…the physical exam…and then it was a waiting game.

Alyssa watched as he paced nervously in pre-op…she didn't say to sit down, or get back in bed.

There'd be plenty of time for that.

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Finally it was time.

They wheeled him through the halls, and Lyssa walked beside the cart and held his hand. And Kelly was grateful. If you had asked him what in that moment he was most afraid of…it was losing that contact with her. It was what kept him grounded…it made him feel safe.

She leaned down to kiss him one more time before they wheeled him through the doors.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

Three months to the day from his surgery, Kelly and Alyssa walked into the occupational health clinic downtown.

He had completed his rehab the week before and Dr. Markowitz had cleared him from a surgical standpoint. Now he just had to get past the CFD.

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It had been a long three months.

When he first woke up after the surgery…he didn't know where he was. All he knew was that he hurt. If he thought he had felt pain before…it was nothing compared to now.

Alyssa was there, right by his side, just like she promised…just like he knew she would be. She stayed with him the three days he was in the hospital. Those three days had been a new adventure in torture.

That first day, all he could do was lie flat on his back. Alyssa had to hold the cup of water so he could sip it through a straw. He hated feeling so totally helpless…having to depend on her for the least little thing.

He wondered if she had felt the same when _she_ was in the hospital.

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At first he couldn't even feed himself. The neck brace…the hard collar…had kept him staring straight ahead. He couldn't even look down to see his food…and all he could eat was soup and jello and scrambled eggs. It was humiliating…and even though Shay offered to come spell Alyssa for a while…he didn't want anyone to see him. He couldn't imagine asking even his best friend to feed him or to attend to his most personal needs. And the first time he had gotten out of bed…the physical therapist had come in with a walker. A _walker_! He said he'd rather die. This wasn't what he had signed up for.

It didn't get any easier. Once they went home he still looked to Alyssa for everything. He had broken bones before…when he was a kid, and in high school…and going around with a cast on his arm or his leg was a pain in the ass…but this? This was like having a cast on his neck. He didn't care that it had a fancy name…an Aspen collar. It was a cast on his neck. And he had to worry about "body mechanics"…another fancy term for keeping his back straight, not bending or twisting.

Once the hard collar came off it was a _little_ better. He still had to wear a soft collar for a while…especially at night. And he still needed Lyssa to help him get dressed, or tie his shoes, or help him in the shower.

Sometimes he worried that it was all too much for her. She still tired so easily, and she'd never regained her strength since…well, just _since_. Unfortunately he usually thought about that afterwards…after he had held onto her to help pull himself up, or leaned on her to walk across the room or climb the stairs.

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As he sat waiting for the doctor to come in he studied Lyssa. She looked so tired. He'd barely slept at all the night before…worrying about how everything was gonna shake out. And he'd kept her up too, pouring out all his fears as she rubbed his back…just trying to soothe him to sleep.

Lyssa could feel his eyes on her, so she got up and crossed the exam room to stand by his side. He took her hand in his and she slipped one arm behind his back. She started to trace gentle circles against his skin.

"You doin' okay, Babe?" she asked quietly.

"I'm fine…"he answered with a gentle smile. "How 'bout you? How're _you_ doing?"

"I'll be a lot better once they clear you for duty."

"You and me both…you're prob'ly getting sick of having me around all the time."

She looked into his eyes.

"I just want this to have all been worth it for you, Kelly."

Before he could say anything more, the doctor walked into the room.

"Lieutenant Severide? I'm Dr. Hamilton."

He held out his hand.

"Kelly…" Severide told him as he shook the doctor's hand. "And this is my girlfriend, Alyssa."

The doctor shook Alyssa's hand as well. Then he turned back to Kelly.

"How have been feeling?" he asked.

"Good…I finished my rehab…and Dr. Markowitz cleared me on his end…"

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The doctor began his examination…

"Any pain?"

"Nope…not for the last month." Kelly answered.

Dr. Hamilton checked the range of motion in Severide's neck and shoulders. He checked the strength in his arms…and he checked his reflexes.

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They left the clinic and Kelly turned to Alyssa and hugged her…right in the middle of the sidewalk. Then he picked her up and twirled her around.

He was cleared to go back to work! Full…100%...cleared!

He set Alyssa back on her feet and bent down to kiss her.

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He wanted to stop by the firehouse before they even went home to celebrate.

They got out of the car and he held out his hand to her…and when they walked into Station 51 Kelly had a smile on his face a mile wide.

Most of the guys were out in the apparatus room, taking care of the little things there never seemed to be enough time for in a regular shift…

"Man…I'm gone for a couple months…and the whole place just goes to pot." He said with a grin.

Everyone crowded around and greeted Severide warmly…and hugged Alyssa.

Chief Boden strode over to Kelly and held out his hand.

Kelly returned the firm handshake.

"Kelly…what's the good word?"

Kelly held up the medical form proudly.

"100% cleared for duty! Guaranteed for 100,000 miles! Here's the warranty…" he said as he handed Boden the paperwork.

All around, the guys broke into cheers…whistles…applause…except for one man.

Kelly zeroed in on the spoilsport…squared his shoulders and headed toward him.

"Hey, Eric…" he said as he held out his hand. "Thanks for filling in for me…"

Eric Whaley looked at Kelly with his outstretched hand…and crossed his arms over his chest.

"I've got no say over where they send me…"

There was an uncomfortable silence.

Alyssa didn't know what was going on. She had no idea who this reliever was…or why he was so openly hostile toward Kelly.

Leslie took a step closer to her…and a step in front of her…almost like she was trying to shield Alyssa from whatever was coming next.

"You two know each other?" Otis piped up.

Several of the men shot him dirty looks.

"Yeah…" Kelly replied evenly. "I used to be engaged to Eric's sister."

"Renee…" Mouch muttered under his breath.

"That's right." Eric said…his voice positively dripping in animosity. "And he broke it off three days before the wedding…my sister was so devastated she went out and wrapped her car around a telephone pole. She spent three months in a coma…and this…_coward_…couldn't even be bothered to visit her once!"

Before Severide could reply…the bells went off.

"Engine 51…Truck 81…Ambulance 61…Squad 3…accident with injuries…"

Everyone kicked it in gear, pulling on turnouts, jumping on the rigs…

"Kelly…we'll see you next shift." Boden said as he made his way to his vehicle.

Alyssa inched closer to Kelly's side as they watched the team pull out.

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Severide walked into Station 51 ready for battle…and laden down with treats for the men.

"Hey, guys…" he said as he held up a shopping bag. "guess who couldn't sleep last night?"

He set the bag on the counter in the kitchen area. All the guys jumped up and crowded around to see what delectable goodies he had brought.

Mills began taking foil wrapped loaves of bread from the bag…reading out loud the labels Alyssa had put on each one.

"Banana…banana _nut_…zucchini…honey bran…and…Oh! Sorry guys! This one's all mine! Chocolate cherry nut!"

"God, I've missed Alyssa's cooking!" Hermann said. "'Course, we missed you too, Lieutenant."

Kelly chuckled.

"Yeah…I can tell. I'm really feelin' the love…"

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Mills and Dawson were already starting to slice the loaves…when the door to the common room opened and the temperature dropped about twenty degrees.

Eric Whaley walked into the room with a scowl on his face. He stopped and looked Severide up and down before he deliberately went and sat down as far away as he could.

Kelly rolled his eyes…what were they…twelve?

"There's cake over here…" he said. "My girlfriend made it."

Whaley looked up.

"I wouldn't eat that if I was starving to death."

Everyone stood in stunned silence.

"Suit yourself…" Hermann said with a shrug. "More for us…"

But Kelly couldn't let that comment go.

"You know, I get you've got a beef with me…but leave my girl out of it…okay, Whaley?"

"I'm so happy you've been able to get on with your life, Severide. But I can't say the same for my sister!"

"You really need to just drop it…before this thing goes any further south. You're not exactly in possession of all the facts here." Kelly told him.

"Oh really? Then, please…by all means…enlighten me!"

The bells went off…

"Truck 81…Ambulance 61…"

"Saved by the bell…" Mouch said under his breath as he headed for the door.

"Now there's something you don't hear too often on this job…"Hermann said as he followed him.

All the men…including Whaley…hustled out the door.

Severide just shook his head and went to get himself a cup of coffee and snag a piece of chocolate cherry nut bread before Mills got back.

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Leslie came up to him after she got back.

"How're you holdin' up?" she asked.

Kelly shrugged.

"Okay…I've just gotta get back in the swing of things."

"What are you gonna do about Whaley?"

He shrugged again.

"I'll steer clear of him if he steers clear of me. He'll only be here…what…one or two more shifts?"

"He'll be here the whole month." Shay said.

"Oh…great…" Kelly groaned.

That just made his frickin' day…

"Why don't you just tell him what happened, Kelly?"

"What's the point? It was…like…eight years ago."

"But he's blaming you for something that was his sister's fault!"

"So what? Better he hates me than to hate his own sister."

"But…"

"Let it go, Shay!"

He took a deep breath.

"Renee's family was real good to me. Her parents treated me like a son. Eric and I were like brothers. If I had told them what really went down…" he said. "After the accident, she was gonna need her family around her. They thought I was the one who got cold feet…so I just let 'em go on thinkin' that."

Shay digested what he said. Everybody thought Kelly was such a prick sometimes…but he really wasn't. He was just protecting himself…or somebody else, by taking the blame.

She held out her arms to give her best friend a hug.

And Kelly really felt like he could use one at the moment.

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It was a good theory anyway…him and Whaley staying out of each other's way.

Mills was cooking…spaghetti and meatballs…and Severide wandered over and lifted the lid to the pot.

"Missing Lyssa's cooking, Lieutenant?" Mills said with a grin.

Mills knew he was a good cook…but he also knew who was better. He just about turned cartwheels when Alyssa would show up at the house with a full meal in the car.

Otis was passing through the kitchen…

"I don't know how you can live with that woman and _not_ weight four hundred pounds!" he said.

Severide just laughed.

"She doesn't always cook like she's feeding twenty firefighters…but I definitely packed on a few these last couple months. I'm really gonna have to hit the gym…"

There was some good natured chuckling amongst the three men…when a dark cloud past by.

"You're a real piece of work, Severide." Whaley spat at him. "Comin' in here…flaunting your new girlfriend…like my sister didn't even matter to you."

"Renee and I broke up eight years ago, Eric. What did you expect?" Kelly said.

"Renee didn't break up with you! You broke her heart…and it nearly got her killed!"

"It wasn't my fault she got in that car!"

"Like hell it wasn't!" Whaley yelled as he advanced toward Severide like he was going to hit him.

Everyone jumped up to put themselves between the two men.

"Stop blaming Kelly!" Shay screamed. "Your sister cheated on him! That's why he called off the wedding! She slept with her ex-boyfriend!"

The room was so silent you could have heard a pin drop.

Whaley looked over to Severide.

"Is that true?" he demanded.

Kelly just stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked his former friend square in the eyes.

And Eric could see that it was.

Not knowing what to say…he turned and walked away.

And after a beat, Kelly followed him.

"Way to go, Shay…" he muttered as he walked past her.

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He followed Eric out into the apparatus room.

Whaley turned to stare at him.

And Severide took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"So now you know…" he said.

"Why didn't you say something?"

"What would be the point of that? Renee needed her family to be there for her…you guys were going through enough without me piling more hurt on."

"Well…at least that explains a lot of my sister's actions." Eric said with a sigh.

"What do you mean?" Kelly asked.

"Renee hasn't come around much in the past eight years. She's really kind of gone off the rails. She never talks to the family any more. I'm…I'm not even sure where she is."

"I had no idea…" Kelly said.

Eric shrugged.

"I'm sorry I went off on you."

"No harm, no foul…"

"It's really good that you found someone else…I had no right to say what I did."

"Alyssa's the first real relationship I've had since…" Kelly said. "And I almost screwed that up a couple of times…"

"I don't know why Renee did what she did."

Kelly looked around the room.

"Yeah…well…it's ancient history. Are we cool now?"

"Yeah…we're good." Eric said.

The two shook hands and slapped one another on the back.

"C'mon…" Kelly said. "I saw where Mills stashed the rest of the chocolate cherry nut bread."

They walked off toward the bunk rooms.

"You gotta taste this stuff…it's outta this world." Kelly told him.


	17. Chapter 17

**Epilogue**

It was almost a month since he got back on the job…

When he came home after shift Kelly took the stairs to his apartment two at a time. It was a holiday weekend…and he didn't have to work! Technically he was just getting his normal forty-eight hours off, but second watch didn't have to work the holiday and that was all good with him.

Normally he didn't mind working the holidays…it was double time, after all. But this was the first real holiday he could spend with Alyssa…doing normal things any couple would do…and most of all, no drama.

They had plans for the weekend…they were going out on his buddy Mitch's boat…maybe do a little fishing, maybe not. And the whole gang was coming over on Monday to christen the new grill he had just bought.

He was really looking forward to it.

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He let himself into his apartment.

"Lyssa? I'm home…" he called out.

Silence.

"Alyssa?"

He dropped his bag and headed toward the bedroom. He didn't think she'd still be sleeping…

The bathroom door was half open and the light was on. And there was the muffled sound of someone crying.

Now thoroughly alarmed, Kelly opened the door to find Alyssa sitting on the edge of the tub, tears streaming down her face.

"Lyssa…Baby, what's wrong?" he asked as he sat down beside her.

She turned to him and he took her in his arms. She buried her head against his shoulder and continued to cry softly.

"Shhh…Baby…it's okay…" he whispered.

Then his eyes fell on what she had been starring at.

On the edge of the sink sat four different home pregnancy tests.

And they were all positive.


End file.
